Pacific Northwest Ballet Nutcracker...

Last week we got to go to the PNB Nutcracker in Seattle. My friend Heidi and her daughter "O" went with us and we had a great time. The girls were thrilled to get together outside of co-op and the show was AMAZING. Maurice Sendak ("Where the Wild Things Are") was the set designer/artist and I just love his work. The set was fabulous, the orchestra was right on and the dancers were beautiful. I will definitely go again next year and I hope to take A along too!

So I am a huge nerd. As we were walking through the lobby, I saw John Curley, a local tv magazine host. He was a huge help last year when we were raising money for a local family in need...he offered to be our auctioneer for FREE (a $4k value), and because of him we were able to really raise some serious dough. I've since been in contact with him for some other reasons, and I wanted to say "hello" and reintroduce myself. There were cameras and lights and all that, but he was talking to this group of high-schoolers as we approached and it appeared he was just hanging out. I was almost going to tap him on the shoulder when I realized HE WAS TAPING!

So I set timers up to tivo the show and sure enough, I was the dork in the background! Heidi was there too, but she was more of an innocent bystander. Here's the play-by-play:

Hey, it's not everyday you get to be on television! I should have jumped up and down in the background and blown kisses to the girls. There's always next time...

Days like today...

are why I love being a stay at home mom. Today I was all set to take the girls to the mall for Santa pictures, go to the dreaded post office and run some other errands. I brought their Christmas dresses downstairs and excitedly told them of my plan. They were in the middle of jumping off their diving board (the living room couch cushions stacked on top of each other on one side of the couch) into their pool (all the throw pillows), and they said that they didn't want to go anywhere today, they just wanted to play with each other and "have fun". I thought Santa would be fun, but I am a sucker for two little girls getting along so well, and we have tomorrow too, so I went with it.

They had such a fun day! Even now, at 8:20 PM, they are sorting through their gifts under the tree and putting them in piles and asking, "is this one from Grandma and Grandpa or from Mom and Dad?!!" Now, R is neighing and A is saying "Let's go horsey" and they are delivering their presents to some inspired location in the living room.

Anyway, they played "baby" and that is when A crawls around making a bizarre crying sound and she constantly calls out to R by saying, "Mom!" and I always answer, and then she tells me "I was talking to R!"

They wanted to go ice skating on this little pond that we have in front of the house. It was frozen, but there's not a lot of water there, so it didn't hold their weight. Anyway, the ice skating became rock hopping, and they had a great time with it.

R wanted to paint A's face, and I figured there was no harm in that...they were really proud of the artwork, but when it was time for their next activity, R said, "mom, I want to help A wipe her face clean so that she's not embarrassed!" A wouldn't hear of it.They wanted to have a picnic out in the front yard. Yes, it was 22 degrees here today, but they really wanted to, and I let them. They took a pumpkin muffin and some graham crackers out to the sidewalk in front of the house and happily ate a snack in the freezing cold. (What did I say about crack? JUST SAY NO!) They came to me and wanted to have "holes in their jump ropes" or lassos. So I made them lassos and told them NOT to put anything around their necks (as A was in the process of doing as I spoke). A said, I'm gonna say, "Hi-de-ho!" and off they were to lasso the stair railing.
R made me a little book about us. She's such a fun little writer, and I'm getting better at decoding her phonetic (sometimes) spellings. I have dozens of drawings and stories and books along these lines. And I really need to be better about documenting the dates so I can see her progress more easily.

We read some "Addy" together during A's nap and she watched a Christmas special I had recorded. Then she helped me pick up the house, namely disassemble the diving board and put away the swimming pool.

I helped R on the piano and she has another song down now, London Bridges with two hands. It was hard for her to get the timing because the left and right hands have different timings, but she has it now and loves to play it!

Anyway, it was a good day, I love these days, and I need to put them to bed (WAY TOO LATE) in order to keep this day on the good side. A just yelled at R, "R, you're not nice! You're not nice!" Uh oh.

"Say no to crack..."

This was a phrase coined by my girl Jessy when R couldn't keep her pants up to save her life. Both of the girls have this problem, so we always tell them, "Say no to crack" and they pull up their pants. Today when I was saying this to A, I noticed that she pulled up only the back of her pants, so she must know what crack is. Anyway, going along with my previous post about my exhibitionist husband, I came across this picture today that was doctored in Photoshop by my sister-in-law Pam for my enjoyment. This is an example of a time when Chris exposed himself and then asked everyone to "look!". Rest assured the crack in this picture is intentional.

Bangs, bangs, bangs...

One night when I was out with some friends having way too much fun, we were finally the last ones at Red Robin and we were asked to leave. There were like four of us left and we relocated to Rachel's car and continued the fun conversation. We were talking about our old school lives and the topic of bangs came up. Mindy had a good idea to start a bangs tag and see who had the biggest bangs. (Mindy, there is no way I can take you on in this competition, yours beat any that saw...maybe us 11 year olds didn't really master the skills?)

My biggest bangs were in sixth grade (1988-89, also the year I proudly donned my black Debbie Gibson hat and serenaded boys over the phone to my expert piano playing of "Lost in Your Eyes") but this pic is from 7th grade, when they were changing a bit...the forehead was entering its days of exposure and soon, by 8th grade, the transition to no bangs was complete. I think I was on the tail end of the bangs era (I know, I'm just a baby really).

Anyway, the tag has been haunting me because I really liked the idea, but I can't find the 6th grade pic, and I came across this and had to post it for my bangs entry.

I tag: Jenni, Sariah, Jen C., Carrie, Mimi, Heather, Amanda and Sommer. This ought to be good.

Christmas fun...

We decorated the tree before December even hit, but I'm slow at posting lately. It is such a busy time!

The girls love having Christmas lights in their rooms during the holidays. Chris went all out this year and they love it.

We were invited by some of Chris' customers to ride on Santa's sleigh in a parade of a community close by. I was torn between this fun and the fancy Christmas dinner for the ladies at church, but I opted for the family outing for once. We had a good time...it was cold, but not nearly as cold as it is now! Next year I think we'd prefer to watch the parade rather than ride in the parade.

FYI

I'm still getting my list of blogs together...it's not done...so if yours isn't there, it will be soon!! And if it isn't, please bring it to my attention.

My guy...

Chris and I are celebrating our seventh wedding anniversary today! I guess we aren't really doing the actual celebrating today, we'll probably just go out as a family or something, and my fabulously supportive parents will take the kids all next weekend so we can really have some nice time just the two of us.

This is a collage I made for him in high school.

Anyway, we have quite a story! We were high school sweethearts...eventually. After being good friends for two years, he was my best friend our Junior year and we started our official high school relationship that summer on August 1st at 1:00 AM when he kissed me for the briefest half-second while standing in his driveway. My family was heading to McCall for most of August, and we'd been holding hands for like a month so my girlfriends Leisha and Jenn told me that I HAD to have "the talk" with him before leaving for the month. I made him a little August calendar with something written on every day for him to do, like "Call my home phone just to make sure I'm not there" and "write Rebecca a letter and mail it to..." Anyway, it was his birthday on August 1st, and my curfew prohibited me from giving him his present ON his birthday and my family was driving off to McCall at the crack of dawn, so I snuck out, took the car and drove the twenty minutes to his house where he was waiting.

So that was the start...back in 1994, and he asked me to marry him in that same driveway over 7 years later...and seven more years later we have two kids and our own driveway, no curfew, our own road trips to McCall and many long kisses between us.

This is a random picture of us probably about a year after Ruby was born.

We are polar opposites. He likes one song (okay, one genre) and I like all music. He doesn't do romantic movies and I love a good chick flick. He hates reality TV and I can't be entertained by today's scripted shows. He wants to spend every minute of his life being super productive, and I wouldn't mind if I had a week stretching before me with nothing on the agenda. He figures if he hasn't talked to someone in six months they aren't a friend anymore, and I keep in touch with two elementary school teachers and several kids from my kindergarten class. My favorite pizza is the gourmet veggie from Papa Murphey's and his is the Meat Lovers. I'm a morning person, he's not. His side of the closet is orderly and all the sleeves face the same way, the work shirts and dress shirts separate...you get the picture, the only things hanging on my side are things that no longer fit, and some of them are inside out or on children's hangars for all I care.

Us in front of our first house (his bachelor pad). I was very pregnant with R in this picture.

We share the most important things in life: faith, family and our future, and I think he's worth all the compromise! I think I am an easy laugh, I don't mean pity laugh, but I laugh at most anything. Anyway, he is funny enough to make me truly laugh hard almost every day, and I love that about him.

Not the best pic of our wedding day, but it was the easiest to find.

We know how to get under each other's skin, and we do it intentionally for fun...often. What amazes me is that we are both so skilled at it that we both still fall for each other's efforts EVERY TIME! He knows that if he wakes up on a Saturday morning and says, "Okay, lets talk about our plan for the day," he's going to get an eye roll, and that's what he wants. I know that on his way home from work on Friday night if I say, "Okay, so we are all packed and we'll just leave for my parents house when you get home, right?" that there will be a long pause in our conversation, which is what I want. I can also get him with claiming I got a bargain. So if I was garage sale-ing and lets say I bought a sled for $5...I'd leave it in the middle of the floor of his carefully organized garage, and he'd ask, "where'd you get this and where can I put it?" and I'd say, "It was so cheap, I got it for $30 at a garage sale today!" and he totally falls for it. He loves to inch the truck forward when I'm at the door trying to open it, or honk the horn when I'm right in front of his truck, and even though I know the reaction he's going for, I can't help but give it to him. If he is ever on the phone, I'm always curious who he's talking to and what they talked about. So for example if he's on the phone with his folks and I decide to put the kids to bed, I'll ask later, "So, what did your parents have to say?" and he'll respond, "Nothing." Just to drive me crazy! He also likes to position himself so he's "mooning" me and then he'll call my attention. I'm actually catching on to this one, and he doesn't get me as often, but he still tries. Another one that I'm practically immune to is when we are staying somewhere with other people ie: the cabin, his parents house, etc., he'll have one of his brothers come to the door when I'm fresh out of the shower on the other side. He'll have them out of sight, but they'll say, "Chris?" and Chris will open the door and come walking in. It makes me think that the person with the voice is walking in on me! He intentionally pretends to bang (hard, loud and dramatically clutching his supposed injury) into all signs, door jams, telephone poles, or otherwise. I don't think he does this anymore to get a laugh out of me, but he still laughs himself, and the kids think it's hilarious...he likes the reaction he gets from concerned onlookers.

Anyway, we are probably only cut out for each other, and I think most people who know us as a couple are pretty sure of that. One thing that's good for us is that I have a high tolerance for public humiliation and he likes to publicly humiliate. Like when we played 2 truths and a lie at our friends' Halloween party with like 20 other couples.

His list:
1. I went to a NKOTB concert in sixth grade
2. I like to eat my toenails
3. I was married briefly once before I was married to Rebecca

All eyes on me. All I could say was, "I know he doesn't like to eat his toenails!" I mean, how is it possible that I would fall for something as ridiculous as that? But I did! I was thinking, "well, we didn't have a lot of contact for like five years, and he could have pulled a Britney Spears 24 hour vegas marriage for all I know!" Nope! Just a ploy to make me squirm, and I squirmed and laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed. I think everyone else in the room was just plain uncomfortable, but not us.

Anyway, maybe these are the quirks that indicate that we did in fact start our relationship when we were seventeen years old. Happy Anniversary to us.

Love that quilt...

See the banner to the right? There are more giveaways happening for Mia, you can be entered to win it by donating $1 (or more) and/or posting the banner on your own blog...and some other things. Anyway, I love the items they are giving away!

Flaky or lucky?

Great. This is going to be the second post in a row where I show how scatterbrained I can be.

So R had her first formal recital for piano. It was the Christmas recital and she was all set to go with her newly learned songs, including "Jingle Bells" for Christmas. All her other recitals have been with just her class at her teacher's house, but this was at a local church and with all the students Mrs. S teaches. Big deal. Ruby was excited, and I knew given her personality that she'd perform with flair and she'd introduce herself loud enough for everyone to hear, and she was going to just love it. My mom drove down for it and everything.

On our drive there, I was frantically calling 411 looking for some local church with the word "Trinity" in it and not having a lot of luck. We were literally going to arrive just in time, and I was thinking about how I wish I were one of those people who always arrived with 30 minutes to spare everywhere they went. If only. I figured walking in at 7PM we'd be the last ones there, but in good time to enjoy the show.

When we walked in at ten to 7 (thanks to 411 and a good nav), I could hear the piano was being played. My friend Julie saw my frantic face and I mouthed, "did it start at 6:30?" and she said, "No, it started at 6:00"! WE WERE AN HOUR LATE! She told me that we had just missed Ruby's spot by a few minutes. I knew we'd still get her up there, but I was embarrassed that people had been doing the whole, "Ruby?! Where's Ruby? Ruby's not here" thing. So after three or four little piano minutes by other children, it was announced "Ruby is here now" and she went up for her two minutes of glory (and it is glorious when it is your child, let me tell you).

So...after being there for ten minutes, it was over. We wished happy holidays to our friends and Mrs. S ate some quick break and we were out the door! I'm going to have to say that I didn't so much mind missing the rest of it. Next time, I'll just advise Mrs. S to put Ruby dead last, and we'll plan to be 45 minutes late instead of 50. He, he.

P.S. I was determined to post my first video, so I didn't get pics of her playing. I took video and hassled with it forever and got NOWHERE. I hate that!

Tabs on my tabs...

So a few weeks ago, it occurred to me that it had been a long time since I had gotten new tabs. I thought, "I think they were due in October." So I went outside to check. This is what I saw (on November 20th):Yes, they were due in June. I couldn't believe it! It still took a few weeks to get the new ones (thank you, Chris) and now we are all good to go (not that we stopped going in the meantime).

New blog address...

I am moving to a new blog address. This one is too big to go through and edit, and I wanted to switch addresses anyway. The new one will be public but will not have my kids' names and some other details on it. Please don't comment using their names or our last name, either. This one will become private, but I'm not going to post here anymore, just private to protect info that has already been shared on this blog.

I realize that any pedifiles currently following my blog can easily continue, and know our info...but this is the best I can do. I actually can see the physical locations of the people who read my blog, and I kind of know them all. I'm not searchable on the internet or anything, so I feel pretty safe...but just to be more cautious, you know?

So the new address is www.rebeccaplayinghouse.blogspot.com.

I'll see you there!

Our new blog...

So I've been blogging forever at a different address, but I wanted to switch to a new, more original address...so here we are. Thanks for following. If you want to see the old archive, it's here.

Alice's birth...

So normally, I wouldn't post this randomly, but since I traumatized you all with Ruby's story, I thought I should follow up with Alice's.

I know it will seem odd, but I chose to have the same birth plan with Alice as I had for Ruby. I had to drive an hour 47 miles to every single appt. because we had moved, but we chose our midwives and the whole birth experience because it was what we trusted most, and even though it was a hairy scenario, I knew (because the docs told me so) that had I been in the hospital, I would have had a c-section since my contractions ceased. C-sections are greatly necessary in many instances, but in this case, I was very glad to have managed things a different way.

I think the bottom line with these kinds of choices, is every individual needs to know who they trust and be somewhere where you don't have to question the care you are given. For me, this is a home or birth center environment.

So I was five days overdue with Alice. I was miserable. Ruby had come early, so I'd been counting on having my baby for like four weeks and was SO READY. At this point, sleep is not a possibility, so I usually opt for the couch, since I can lean against the back of it a little and flip the television on anytime I'm tired of pretending to sleep.

I was folding laundry and watching "Spitfire Grill" on TV. First contraction. I don't have any Braxton Hicks contractions or false labor, and being five days overdue, I knew it was the real deal. I watched the clock and had a second contraction five minutes later. After about fifteen minutes, I ran upstairs to wake Chris up and do a dance of joy. I was soooo ready. I told him to go back to sleep and went downstairs to labor a little more. My mind was racing with the details of how we'd get Ruby to my folks (farther from the birth center), etc. Finally, I went upstairs, we woke Ruby, put her in the car and drove to my parents' house so I could labor there and know that Ruby was where she needed to be and that I was then only 20 minutes from the birth center.

I had regular contractions maybe 2 minutes a part the whole drive. They were intense, but I felt good between contractions.

At my parents' Chris got Ruby to bed and I told him to rest in the living room until I needed him. I thought we were at the tip of the ice berg, and I was planning to labor longer on my own and not at the birth center. I WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE. There was no way to be comfortable, I just felt pain all the time, and a lot of pressure. I decided I needed to be in water. I called my midwife and she said she'd meet me there right away. My mom was listening to me describe how I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, and that I felt all this pressure, and she was like, "LET'S GO!"

So on the drive over, I was thinking all these discouraging thoughts about how I didn't want to do this and how I wanted it cut out of me. I was very uncomfortable, and was annoyed that Chris was driving in the right lane and the car tires were bumping in the sewer drain things, I told him to change lanes for a smoother ride. I didn't imagine at the time that I was in transition, but these negative, "what am I in for" are typical of transition.

Anyway, we got to the birth center and I walked in (whenever I walked, the contractions would cease for like ten minutes). I was chatty and bright eyed and feeling fine on my own two feet. My midwife (Ali, the one from before...I was sooooo glad she was on call, we both felt we needed to have a different experience to heal from the previous one) asked if I wanted her to check me, "YES"!!!

I was 10 cm dilated! Woah! I had no idea! I was elated and so full of hope. She wanted me to have one contraction before getting in the water, so I did. I got in the water and eight minutes passed with no contractions. Hmmmmm. She warned me that at 10 minutes she'd want me to get out. I was also told that this time, my body would tell me what to do and that she didn't want any pushing on my own, that I would know when to push. That was it. I felt it, and could do nothing but push. 11 minutes later, I caught my little Alice (2 pounds heavier than Ruby) and pulled her close. She was born 59 minutes after I walked through the birth center doors, healthy as can be. I immediately said, "I WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN!"

I got quickly out out of the tub so Ali could verify that my bleeding was normal. Everything was contracting normally and so I got to nurse Alice while I delivered the placenta.

Three hours later, we were back home all together with our healthy little Alice and of course, my mother who saves my life for a week after I have a baby.

Visit from Grandma and Grandpa P. and Uncle Doug...

While G and G and Uncle Doug were here visiting, we got to do a few fun things, and the men did a lot of hard work making our play structure bigger and better for the kiddos.

We got to see Ruby play at sharing day. She played Lightly Row with both hands together, the whole song! I was so amazed how she took off once I helped her through the first two lines. She knew how to play the whole song through with her hands separate, but she figured out how to combine her hands for the last two lines all by herself. She plays it ALL DAY LONG, she LOVES playing the piano.
The men spent three days working on the big toy in the back yard. We got a slide on craigslist, but after six months of looking, Chris wound up driving to SURREY, BC CANADA to get the slide! He left after work and got home around midnight. These slides retail for $2,500 (no, that is not a typo) and they aren't easy to come by used. We got it for $141 US, and the gas is free. The kids already play on this thing constantly, so I'm excited to see how much fun they have on the new slide. I need to take a finished picture when it's all done. The slide is hung currently and in use.

The girls buried Chris in a heap of throw pillows.

Everyone sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner. I realized that I haven't updated any of the fancy things that you only really buy when you register for your wedding...anyway, the tablecloths I registered for don't fit our bigger table! Oh well, it was a nice meal, and looked pretty enough for us.

On the last day they were here, we did some Christmas decorating after going out to breakfast and having the birthday party. Just a few ornaments are up, but the tree is there...we need to finish tonight. Here's Ruby with Gpa, Gma and Alice. We miss you!

Ruby's parties...

Okay. I will actually manage a post with photos. What is with the bloggers of the world, we are all slacking on the chore of posting! I've noticed it with everyone!

We first celebrated Ruby's birthday early using our free night at Wolf Lodge with my folks. Wolf Lodge is a huge hotel with an indoor water park, and other fun things for kids. I got a free night from Northwest Afternoon (thanks Sand!), and have been plotting carefully for the day when we'd actually use it.

The place is amazing. I'd say it would better suit an older family, say with kids no younger than Ruby, but regardless, we enjoyed it to the fullest. The controlled 87 degree temp in the swim/slide area was perfect, the slides were really fun and then there is the amazing buffet, a great game called MagiQuest that Ruby and I had a lot of fun with (it's a scavenger hunt all over the hotel...it's computerized and you get to wave your wand at things and they turn on, and then it is recorded that you found that item...there are clues and all kinds of things).

Ruby got to open her guitar, a gift from my parents, the one thing she really, really wanted for her birthday. "Mom, I want a guitar so I can have more talents!"

It was a nice time. We ran back into town early so we could be at the adult session of our stake conference with ELDER NELSON, which was amazing. I can't believe I haven't posted about that yet.

Anyway, we celebrated one week later when Chris' parents and "Uncle Doug" was here. Ruby randomly wanted a "pony party". I'll forewarn all mothers of little girls, that "My Little Pony is out" according to the Party City lady. My mother-in-law was very dedicated to finding her the Pony stuff, so after Target and Walmart had nothing, she found a little out of style section at Party City with a few offerings. Meanwhile I was home making the cake.

Ruby loved her little party, never once asked if she was going to be celebrating with her friends, which really surprised me because we ALWAYS have a friend party and she has been to some recently, so I thought she'd wish for one. She got a Leapster2, a music playing snow globe engraved from Grandma and Grandpa, the Addy series of American Girl books and a chandelier for her bedroom. She didn't blow out all the candles at once, but she didn't care!

Ruby's birth day...

So today my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.

I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.

When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.

This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.

After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her Ruby, after my great-grandma, Ruby Svea Farmer. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.

It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.

Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.

"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"

I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.

I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.

After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.

I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.

I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...

Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. Ruby's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.

Finally, Ruby was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.

There she was! Ruby Jane Pierce! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, Ruby". They called 911.

This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, Ruby was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.

That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed and I was put under for an official DNC.

I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that Mama Bear feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.

Anyway, that is how my darling Ruby entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the Alice story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!

Parties and more parties...

Okay. I will actually manage a post with photos. What is with the bloggers of the world, we are all slacking on the chore of posting! I've noticed it with everyone!

We first celebrated R's birthday early using our free night at Wolf Lodge with my folks. Wolf Lodge is a huge hotel with an indoor water park, and other fun things for kids. I got a free night from Northwest Afternoon (thanks Sand!), and have been plotting carefully for the day when we'd actually use it.

The place is amazing. I'd say it would better suit an older family, say with kids no younger than R, but regardless, we enjoyed it to the fullest. The controlled 87 degree temp in the swim/slide area was perfect, the slides were really fun and then there is the amazing buffet, a great game called MagiQuest that R and I had a lot of fun with (it's a scavenger hunt all over the hotel...it's computerized and you get to wave your wand at things and they turn on, and then it is recorded that you found that item...there are clues and all kinds of things).

R got to open her guitar, a gift from my parents, the one thing she really, really wanted for her birthday. "Mom, I want a guitar so I can have more talents!"

It was a nice time. We ran back into town early so we could be at the adult session of our stake conference with ELDER NELSON, which was amazing. I can't believe I haven't posted about that yet.

Anyway, we celebrated one week later when Chris' parents and "Uncle Doug" was here. R randomly wanted a "pony party". I'll forewarn all mothers of little girls, that "My Little Pony is out" according to the Party City lady. My mother-in-law was very dedicated to finding her the Pony stuff, so after Target and Walmart had nothing, she found a little out of style section at Party City with a few offerings. Meanwhile I was home making the cake.

R loved her little party, never once asked if she was going to be celebrating with her friends, which really surprised me because we ALWAYS have a friend party and she has been to some recently, so I thought she'd wish for one. She didn't blow out all the candles at once, but she didn't care!

R's birth day...

So this month my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.

I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.

When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.

This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.

After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her R, after my great-grandma. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.

It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.

Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.

"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"

I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.

I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.

After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.

I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.

I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...

Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. R's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.

Finally, R was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.

There she was! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, baby". They called 911.

This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, R was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.

That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed) and I was put under for an official DNC.

I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that "mama bear" feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.

Anyway, that is how my darling R entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the A story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!

Grateful...

I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, R and A, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.

I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):

Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)

The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):

Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
R: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"

Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.

1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.

5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.

So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!

Thankful...

I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, Ruby and Alice, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.

I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):

Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)

The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):

Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
Ruby: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"

Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.

1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.

5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.

So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!

Life changing moments...

I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.

I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...

#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as A is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.

I remember when R was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.

Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!

#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.

#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.

#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!

#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after A was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.

Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?

Life altering moments...

I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.

I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...

#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as Alice is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.

I remember when Ruby was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.

Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!

#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.

#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.

#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!

#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after Alice was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.

Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?