Ruby's birth day...

So today my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.

I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.

When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.

This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.

After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her Ruby, after my great-grandma, Ruby Svea Farmer. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.

It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.

Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.

"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"

I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.

I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.

After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.

I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.

I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...

Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. Ruby's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.

Finally, Ruby was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.

There she was! Ruby Jane Pierce! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, Ruby". They called 911.

This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, Ruby was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.

That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed and I was put under for an official DNC.

I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that Mama Bear feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.

Anyway, that is how my darling Ruby entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the Alice story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!

Parties and more parties...

Okay. I will actually manage a post with photos. What is with the bloggers of the world, we are all slacking on the chore of posting! I've noticed it with everyone!

We first celebrated R's birthday early using our free night at Wolf Lodge with my folks. Wolf Lodge is a huge hotel with an indoor water park, and other fun things for kids. I got a free night from Northwest Afternoon (thanks Sand!), and have been plotting carefully for the day when we'd actually use it.

The place is amazing. I'd say it would better suit an older family, say with kids no younger than R, but regardless, we enjoyed it to the fullest. The controlled 87 degree temp in the swim/slide area was perfect, the slides were really fun and then there is the amazing buffet, a great game called MagiQuest that R and I had a lot of fun with (it's a scavenger hunt all over the hotel...it's computerized and you get to wave your wand at things and they turn on, and then it is recorded that you found that item...there are clues and all kinds of things).

R got to open her guitar, a gift from my parents, the one thing she really, really wanted for her birthday. "Mom, I want a guitar so I can have more talents!"

It was a nice time. We ran back into town early so we could be at the adult session of our stake conference with ELDER NELSON, which was amazing. I can't believe I haven't posted about that yet.

Anyway, we celebrated one week later when Chris' parents and "Uncle Doug" was here. R randomly wanted a "pony party". I'll forewarn all mothers of little girls, that "My Little Pony is out" according to the Party City lady. My mother-in-law was very dedicated to finding her the Pony stuff, so after Target and Walmart had nothing, she found a little out of style section at Party City with a few offerings. Meanwhile I was home making the cake.

R loved her little party, never once asked if she was going to be celebrating with her friends, which really surprised me because we ALWAYS have a friend party and she has been to some recently, so I thought she'd wish for one. She didn't blow out all the candles at once, but she didn't care!

R's birth day...

So this month my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.

I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.

When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.

This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.

After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her R, after my great-grandma. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.

It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.

Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.

"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"

I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.

I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.

After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.

I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.

I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...

Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. R's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.

Finally, R was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.

There she was! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, baby". They called 911.

This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, R was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.

That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed) and I was put under for an official DNC.

I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that "mama bear" feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.

Anyway, that is how my darling R entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the A story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!

Grateful...

I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, R and A, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.

I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):

Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)

The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):

Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
R: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"

Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.

1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.

5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.

So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!

Thankful...

I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, Ruby and Alice, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.

I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):

Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)

The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):

Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
Ruby: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"

Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.

1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.

5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.

So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!

Life changing moments...

I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.

I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...

#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as A is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.

I remember when R was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.

Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!

#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.

#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.

#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!

#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after A was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.

Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?

Life altering moments...

I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.

I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...

#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as Alice is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.

I remember when Ruby was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.

Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!

#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.

#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.

#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!

#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after Alice was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.

Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?

PRIDE training finally done...

I finally finished the last class for our training to become foster parents. This doesn't mean that much, we still have to submit fingerprints for a federal background check and decide what we are up for, etc. Then there's a home study and slew of other things. I'm guessing we'll continue to drag our feet a bit. Regardless of how many biological children we have ever wanted, we've always wanted to offer homes to foster children, and the sluggish fertility seems to point us that direction earlier than we'd expected, and we are really excited. The other night when we were refrigerator shopping, a salesman at SEARS had so much to tell us because he's fostered 29 children in his years as a foster parent. It is such great info to hear from people with experience.

At the same time, I went to an appt. with an GYN last week and she said she's pretty sure I have PCOS. Interesting, huh? Anyway, as to the growth of our family we are currently in the exploration process.

Loved it...TWILIGHT...

I don't know how it would feel to someone who hasn't read the books, but I suspect it would be a thrill for them too. I loved book one and therefore I loved this movie. I'm excited to see the movies that they have announced they are going to make for books two and three after seeing this. I feel that some of my hang ups from the novel were put to rest by watching the movie. The main characters were very well cast, and the chemistry between Bella and Edward was engaging.

Talk with R...

Love my girl. We were having breakfast the other morning--it was a rare day when A slept until 10AM--and we had a great talk. At one point, I had to start writing stuff down while we talked because her thoughts were so cute.

R: Mom, I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
Me: Good for you!
Ru: When I was little, I thought princesses were real, so I said, "I want to be a princess when I grow up!" But now I know they aren't real, so I want to be a doctor.
Me: You'd be a great doctor.
Pause
R: I wish I could get lots of owies so I could go to the doctor and I could write down how they fix me so when I'm a mom, I could now how to be a doctor.
Me: Yeah, but you don't like owies!
R: Yeah, how do you get to be a doctor!?
Me: You go to doctor school for a long time when you are bigger.
R: Oh good. I don't want lots of owies.

Then we switched subjects...

Looking at my wedding ring,
R: Mom, how do you make rings?
I explained about how metal melts, blah blah..."then you put the diamond in."
R: Where do diamonds come from?
Me: People find them in the dirt.
R looking toward the back yard: So if I dig and dig, will I find a diamond?
Me: No they are usually found in other countries like in Africa. (guilt)
R: I wish I lived in Africa.
Now, I am not the kind of person who can leave it at that.*
Me: Oh, I think you should feel really lucky you get to live here. There are children in Africa who have to go to work all day digging for diamonds. (guilt, guilt) They aren't treated nicely and they don't have food to eat when they are hungry. (guilt, guilt, guilt) Some of them don't have their moms and dads either.
R: I want you and me to go to Africa and daddy can go to work and send us money so we can buy the kids food.

I went on to talk to her about where we already give our money that goes to hungry children all over the world, and she felt better.

*So is anyone else anxious that their kids don't know how good they have it? I know they are little and that sad things in history and currently happening around the world would trouble them unnecessarily, but at the same time, they need to know how lucky they are to live in a free country, have loving parents and time to be a kid. I don't know, maybe I tell them stuff like this too often, but it's hard to see them come undone over small things that are really evidence of their plentiful existence.

OMGREY'S ANATAMY...

Here's a direct quote, the one that motivated my finger to move to the power button on the remote.

Izzy and Denny are cuddling, Izzy has her heart to his chest. She says,

"I can hear your heart beating...which is odd because they took it out of your chest when they did the autopsy."

HONESTLY!? Weren't we all enjoying the Izzy/Alex romance well enough? I can't handle this Denny garbage. Thankfully, Chris joined me at that point (totally rewound that part so he could hear tht ridiculous writing) and we switched to The Office.

Anyone have something to say here? I'm counting on you Jenni.

Talk with Ru...

Love my girl. We were having breakfast the other morning--it was a rare day when Alice slept until 10AM--and we had a great talk. At one point, I had to start writing stuff down while we talked because her thoughts were so cute.

Ru: Mom, I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
Me: Good for you!
Ru: When I was little, I thought princesses were real, so I said, "I want to be a princess when I grow up!" But now I know they aren't real, so I want to be a doctor.
Me: You'd be a great doctor.
Pause
Ru: I wish I could get lots of owies so I could go to the doctor and I could write down how they fix me so when I'm a mom, I could now how to be a doctor.
Me: Yeah, but you don't like owies!
Ru: Yeah, how do you get to be a doctor!?
Me: You go to doctor school for a long time when you are bigger.
Ru: Oh good. I don't want lots of owies.

Then we switched subjects...

Looking at my wedding ring,
Ru: Mom, how do you make rings?
I explained about how metal melts, blah blah..."then you put the diamond in."
Ru: Where do diamonds come from?
Me: People find them in the dirt.
Ru looking toward the back yard: So if I dig and dig, will I find a diamond?
Me: No they are usually found in other countries like in Africa. (guilt)
Ru: I wish I lived in Africa.
Now, I am not the kind of person who can leave it at that.*
Me: Oh, I think you should feel really lucky you get to live here. There are children in Africa who have to go to work all day digging for diamonds. (guilt, guilt) They aren't treated nicely and they don't have food to eat when they are hungry. (guilt, guilt, guilt) Some of them don't have their moms and dads either.
Ru: I want you and me to go to Africa and daddy can go to work and send us money so we can buy the kids food.

I went on to talk to her about where we already give our money that goes to hungry children all over the world, and she felt better.

*So is anyone else anxious that their kids don't know how good they have it? I know they are little and that sad things in history and currently happening around the world would trouble them unnecessarily, but at the same time, they need to know how lucky they are to live in a free country, have loving parents and time to be a kid. I don't know, maybe I tell them stuff like this too often, but it's hard to see them come undone over small things that are really evidence of their plentiful existence.

OMGREY'S ANATAMY...

Here's a direct quote, the one that motivated my finger to move to the power button on the remote.

Izzy and Denny are cuddling, Izzy has her heart to his chest. She says,

"I can hear your heart beating...which is odd because they took it out of your chest when they did the autopsy."

HONESTLY!? Weren't we all enjoying the Izzy/Alex romance well enough? I can't handle this Denny garbage. Thankfully, Chris joined me at that point (totally rewound that part so he could hear tht ridiculous writing) and we switched to The Office.

Anyone have something to say here? I'm counting on you Jenni.

CSI...

This is a picture of what a crime scene. A crime that resulted in a visit to the Emergency Room for one whole stitch to R's profusely bleeding lip. A few things are immediately obvious when examining the evidence (not pictured, a partially cut open pixie stick on the floor covered in blood--I cleaned it up to fast), there were two children wanting to eat candy--not just one piece as their mother suggested--but as many pieces as they wanted. Then there is the presence of the weapon, the "mommy scissors" that can only be found in high places in the kitchen, but somehow they are found in this picture in the little bathroom off the laundry room, on the opposite side of the house from where mommy was at the moment of the crime.

Lesson learned: when mommy says you shouldn't use her scissors, you shouldn't. When mommy says, only one piece of candy, you should only have one piece. Little sisters with other ideas and slick coercion methods should be ignored. What happens if you disobey mommy? Your gingerbread cookie might escape the oven, the big bad wolf might eat you and your Nana, and you might cut your lip and have to get a stitch at the hospital!

Why do these things always happen on weekends after convenience care clinics are closed?

R's lip. Incidentally, she's pretty ashamed of herself for not doing the right thing, so she doesn't like me to talk about what happened...if you see her and the wound is healed, you might not mention it, I think the humor of this is lost on her.

One more thing. So the medical shows seem to be full of hotties, but let me just say that the local hospital ER is no different. Seriously! I really don't tend to notice that kind of thing, but literally every person who talked to us that was a doctor, nurse, resident or whatever was BEAUTIFUL! They were all young and presumably single (no rings) so as far as I'm concerned, Grey's Anatomy is probably all TRUE...oh wait, no, that can't be...IZZY just kissed a man who has been dead as long as I've watched the show. HONESTLY, is GA the next "Days"? I have professed to be done watching the show like ten times, but if there is going to be a dead guy coming back to life, I think I really will have to call it quits. Anyway, if you are young and single, you should really consider medicine as a career. I think all the fire fighters are amping up the education a few notches and going for the white coat.

CSI...

This is a picture of what a crime scene. A crime that resulted in a visit to the Emergency Room for one whole stitch to Ruby's profusely bleeding lip. A few things are immediately obvious when examining the evidence (not pictured, a partially cut open pixie stick on the floor covered in blood--I cleaned it up to fast), there were two children wanting to eat candy--not just one piece as their mother suggested--but as many pieces as they wanted. Then there is the presence of the weapon, the "mommy scissors" that can only be found in high places in the kitchen, but somehow they are found in this picture in the little bathroom off the laundry room, on the opposite side of the house from where mommy was at the moment of the crime.

Lesson learned: when mommy says you shouldn't use her scissors, you shouldn't. When mommy says, only one piece of candy, you should only have one piece. Little sisters with other ideas and slick coercion methods should be ignored. What happens if you disobey mommy? Your gingerbread cookie might escape the oven, the big bad wolf might eat you and your Nana, and you might cut your lip and have to get a stitch at the hospital!

Why do these things always happen on weekends after convenience care clinics are closed?

Ruby's lip. Incidentally, she's pretty ashamed of herself for not doing the right thing, so she doesn't like me to talk about what happened...if you see her and the wound is healed, you might not mention it, I think the humor of this is lost on her.

One more thing. So the medical shows seem to be full of hotties, but let me just say that the local hospital ER is no different. Seriously! I really don't tend to notice that kind of thing, but literally every person who talked to us that was a doctor, nurse, resident or whatever was BEAUTIFUL! They were all young and presumably single (no rings) so as far as I'm concerned, Grey's Anatomy is probably all TRUE...oh wait, no, that can't be...IZZY just kissed a man who has been dead as long as I've watched the show. HONESTLY, is GA the next "Days"? I have professed to be done watching the show like ten times, but if there is going to be a dead guy coming back to life, I think I really will have to call it quits. Anyway, if you are young and single, you should really consider medicine as a career. I think all the fire fighters are amping up the education a few notches and going for the white coat.

Auction for Mia!

Click here to see a wonderful assorment of handmade (and some chocolate) items you can bid on. I am really impressed with the unique assortment here... I took bookbinding in college and this book is FANCY. Hand bound and hand sewn and those pages are hand torn, this book would have taken a whole day to make.


Love this! A great item to have on hand for a baby gift...or your own bundle of joy.


So cute, and made with Mia in mind!

Wow, this girl will custom paint any image you want onto canvas shoes! How darling are these?

Anyway, there are handmade cards, custom artwork, Usborne books and other things to bid on too...don't forget the imported Swiss chocolate!

More on Prop 8...

It is hard for me to be so totally convinced of my religion, and know that it is being so misunderstood. I feel like in turn, I am being misunderstood. I know that the membership of my church does not always represent what the leadership of the church feels, and certainly not what I feel. The Prop 8 issue has not been black and white for me at all, but because I wholeheartedly believe that there is a prophet on earth today, who I believe is called by God to guide mankind, I trust him to lead me, even on issues for which I don't have full understanding. I realize that is a foreign concept to many of you, but I trust that you know me not to be a wishy washy follower, so I am following because I 100% believe that I cannot be led the wrong way by the Prophet, who today is Thomas S. Monson.

When I read this article, by the church leadership clarifying their reasons for standing against same sex marriages, I was so relieved to understand more clearly the issues at hand. I guess the argument out there is that allowing same sex marriage won't harm any people who believe in the traditional family. More people will be married, and that's that. That isn't the case at all! I was thinking tonight about how my husband's business can't sell a job to the city of Seattle unless they can verify that they offer insurance benefits to life partners. There are so many ways that this one change will affect many other facets of the world as we know it. According to the article, the Catholic adoption agencies closed their doors in MA because they are not allowed to offer adoption services exclusively to traditional family units. The information is there, in the article about if you should care to know why, like I did. It is long, but at least it gives all the reasons why it does affect religous practice in the United States, whereas I feel that same-sex marriage supporters are couching those who supported Prop 8 as having no leg to stand on because they claim that what they want doesn't change what we want in any way.

This isn't a black and white issue with only one thing at stake. This isn't about tolerance! I do wish that everyone had personal relationships with gay people for the sheer sake of putting a personal relationship and a PERSON in their minds when they deal with this sensitive subject. I know that there have been many Prop 8 supporters who have disrespected the gay community and taken lightly their desires. Thankfully, that attitude is not representative of the whole LDS community, much less our leadership any more than the marginal protestors who are using terrorist tactics to threaten Prop 8 supporters are representative of the homosexual population as a whole.

I can't believe that I'm posting about this again, I usually keep heated conversations to my own thoughts!

My blog deal...

So to clarify. I don't feel like changing all my past posts to initials, and my name is in the title of my blog. So. I am moving to a new blog address, and keeping only one active blog, but I am going to make this one (the old one) private so that people can't access the old blog with all the names and stuff on it.

Sariah, I'm with you exactly, but there's just so much evidence that I should have considered before I started that would protect my kids better, so I'm still going to be "public" though never google-able, but on a different site where all names will be more incognito.

Does that make sense?

No love, no logic...

Who has my Love and Logic book, anyway?

So Alice is officially immune to my most relied upon parenting method, Love and Logic. I'm not any stellar example of the technique, but Chris and I wanted to be on the same page when parenting, and I knew he wouldn't really take to reading a whole book on the subject, so at Sommer's suggestion, we attended a class on L&L at a local hospital. Most everything I learned, I appreciated, with few exceptions. A lot of L&L will come most in handy with older children who know how to use logic and reason...I look forward to using it then, but there are some things I picked up that I try to use regularly...

1. Wrong doing by a child should affect them, not you or other innocent, well behaving children. For example, when Alice is throwing a master fit (three times a day), she can definitely choose to spend her time that way, but she can't do so at the expense of the rest of the family, so she needs to remove herself (yeah right) or be removed until she chooses to calm down. This is a good idea. I'm all for letting them choose their emotions and doing so where at least they think I can't hear, but Alice can not be contained. We have had to move time out from the couch in the living room to her room, then to the car seat (strapped, and can't get out) but starting today, because she is too big and strong for me to force her into the seat without coming away in tears, we moved timeout to the backyard. You'd think that at three years of age, and after three years of the same follow-through, she'd get it: quiet down, be nice, and you can come out of timeout. Not Alice. She carries on for at least thirty minutes...even outside! Just when I start to doubt that she's old enough to understand the concept, I read on my friend Lyndsey's blog that her two year old is getting it down, and I realize that Alice is definitely old enough to get it.

2. By offering choices, you can control the options without making them feel powerless. This is how that goes at our house.
Me: Do you want cereal or yogurt for breakfast?
Alice (in the grumpiest, mumbliest voice EVER): Pancakes.
Me: I'm not making pancakes today (sometimes it's a milk and cereal day, right?), would you like yogurt or cereal?
Alice: PANCAKES! (Sounds like a bark but you know the meaning of the sound.)
Me: Uh oh, I hope you can make a choice to talk nicely to mommy so you can have breakfast with Ruby right now.
Alice: @#$^NEKI#$$%#$@#(%J$()L#)#UU$%#$@#@#%$#^%&^%&^*^&%#$@#$!@bark pancakes bark*&.
Me: Alice, please go up to your room until you can quiet down.
Alice: inaudible decrease in decibels, only noticeable by body language.
Me: Alice, do you want to go to your room by yourself or have mommy take you outside for timeout?
Alice: #$#%$%^%^%^%#$#$(*&^&)*(*^%#$%$&&*(*
(This leads me to L&L #3)

3. When a child fails to choose for themselves, you quickly make the choice for them. So, to continue the above scenario...off to the backyard she goes. She can see us, we sit there and eat our breakfast almost in peace, and even though I know she knows the drill, I remind her once or twice over her tirade that she just needs to calm down if she wants to come inside.

4. There is no counting. Counting only tells a child that you will allow the misbehavior to continue for however long you are willing to count. I have NEVER counted, and I'm really glad. Not that I don't employ other stalling tactics! In L&L they tell you that if you have explained to your child your expectation, and they know the consequence, you don't give warnings, because we aren't usually consistent with out warnings, and it can be confusing for a child if you give ten warnings one day and no warnings the next day. It is better for them to know what to expect, so they can behave accordingly.

5. Losing your cool will only make their crying about your temper and not what they did wrong. If a child pushes you to the point of yelling, stomping, spanking or otherwise, you will probably see that they are crying as a result of your tirade, and they have now forgotten to be sad about what they did wrong, and the opportunity for them to learn is gone. This is hard with Alice, but only because I wasn't following through as quickly, so by the time I went to timeout, I was super frustrated. I would even stoop to yelling the choices at her one last time so that she could make a choice that didn't require a thirty minute timeout while physically restrained. One day, after this all happened, I was so mad because I hadn't come up with the car seat option, and she refused to stay in her room (at the time this was worse case location for her timeout). I didn't want to play the fool by standing there holding the door handle while she threw an entirely unnecessary tantrum on the other side. I called Chris at work. "Chris, I am going to spank our child, and I wanted you to know." He could hear the tirade on the other side, and though I don't think he wholeheartedly agreed with my decision, he could hear the threat in my voice and knew not to tell me no. So, I put her on her bed one last time, got down on her level and loudly said (so she could hear me, she was screaming), "Alice, if you open that door one more time, I am going to spank your bum." I closed the door, and it immediately opened as she tried to rush past me, heading for the stairs. So I swatted her bum. I didn't do it hard, it probably didn't hurt...the idea was to use something new to get my way (spanking is not part of L&L). She did cry louder, but didn't choose differently the next time I closed the door. That's when the carseat thing occurred to me. As a side note, don't forget that I have two unexperienced adult men in my house during most of the Alice drama, as she tends to pull this first thing in the morning and they (the missionaries that live here) are here until 10AM having their study time.

Sometimes, I just don't see an end in sight. Someone, I don't remember who, said something when Alice turned three about how that was their hardest year, and I agreed, but cringed because the "terrible twos" were already so hard, and I didn't want to see another year of my sweet, smart, child acting like a problem child. Today, Ruby drew a picture and wrote something at the bottom for me to read. Because she doesn't really follow the left to right rule, and all letters run together, there was no way I could figure out what she wrote. She told me, "Alice is the horrible-est." I'm sure this isn't the best response, but I said, "She's all you've got, go to your room."

Anyone? Help!

Stone's Makeover...

The other day, I was still getting ready upstairs and Ruby ran in looking for hair "pretties" to use on Stone. I gave her some things that I knew wouldn't hurt him and that we don't use, most of which would be easily cleaned, and sent her on her way. This is the little hairdo they came up with.

Christmas cards...

I can't believe it, but I finished (I don't know the right word to use here..."designing" might lead people to believe that I did more than put together the digital elements designed by others and "making" may lead someone to think that I got out the paper and scissors and crafted somthing really noteworthy) my Christmas cards, emailed the order to Kinkos and I think I might actually get them out this year! Wahoo!

On the card, I printed my new blog address, so I am now committed to switching. I'm going to forego the use of our names and I'm going to make this blog private so that my old posts with family info can't be accessed anymore. I don't know how else to protect my #1's without going private. When I have the blog up, I'll let you know.

In the wake of Prop 8...

I really don't like opinionating on political subjects, and keep my own political views private at times from my own husband. I guess I just like that my opinions are mine, and they are private, and I'm not really into trying to persuade others or whatever. I see both sides, and I can often understand how someone can arrive at a different opinion than me. Anyway, so this isn't a post about the politics surrounding this massively controversial issue, but it is a side note, something that tweaked me in a good way that is more related to religion than politics.

So I have a serious hang up when it comes to other faiths who preach (false) anti-Mormon doctrine from the pulpit. Here's a huge group of people who believe in so many fundamental things that are similar, and who share so many values and align so closely with lifestyle, etc. but we are practically unable to be friends due to (from my perspective) the fear that is instilled in them by their religious leaders about "The Mormons".

Through many life experiences with those who fear the crazy Mormons, I have learned that I can't express any common ground with people of other religious beliefs (other than the Catholics, they tend to be really focused on their own doctrine and not on anti-Mormon doctrine, and I have enjoyed supporting Catholic friends when their children participate in communion and other such religious moments, and I have likewise enjoyed their companionship at my church for similar celebrations related to my faith). I don't feel like it is okay for me to tell most "Christian" people that I'll pray for them when they are in a personal crisis, like they are uncomfortable with the notion that I even pray because they believe that I pray to another person or something. Like, don't let the scary Mormon pretend they pray! I find IRONIC that it is easier and more rewarding to enjoy mutual friendships with my agnostic or even atheist friends who aren't threatened by the knowledge of how my beliefs affect my life, and they know that while we come from different places, my faith makes me who I am and isn't a threat to them.

When I was choosing to homeschool, one of the biggest hang ups that I had with the whole idea was that I don't actually enjoy downplaying my faith to my friends and I knew that many of my partners in homeschool would be of the greater "Christian" faiths, and wouldn't be comfortable with my religion, even if I never spoke of it. Of course, I'm not welcome at the local academic co-ops held by other churches because they deem me un-christian as a member of the LDS church, so I found a co-op held at a Unitarian church primarily with other LDS families, and my closest friend at co-op is fabulously Unitarian, and I find her company on the money, as we easily and respectfully exchange information about our families, our holiday plans, our upbringings and YES, even religion!

Anyway, I just love it when I hear of enlightened people who believe differently than I do, even believe I'm hell-bound, but recognize that we can be partners in many things without FEAR based on FALSE information about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (incidentally, I'm aware that we believe in some different Jesus according to modern Baptist beliefs taught locally).

So I came across this blog that is co-authored by a Mormon and a prominent Evangelical Christian, and it is a call for all people who stand on the same ground on Prop 8 to put a stop to the barbaric (isn't it ironic when the call for tolerance is so intolerant?) protests that have included property damage to LDS churches and temples, death threats resulting in round the clock protection of LDS Church leadership, burnings of Books of Mormon on LDS church property (...REALLY? REALLY?).

52% of Californians are most certainly NOT Latter-day Saint. I am appalled that all this is going on with no recognition by the media. They show protesters on church property and sympathize with them and fail to show where windows on our Temples have been broken and where no worship has occurred due to the safety risk to temple attenders, and they leave all that WRONG behavior out. I just do not think that any American, heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual should condone this kind of behavior over something that was carried out as a part of the democratic process.

Here's an official church statement released about the protesting (other such official media releases can be found here):

SALT LAKE CITY 7 November 2008 The Church issued the following statement today:
It is disturbing that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being singled out for speaking up as part of its democratic right in a free election.

Members of the Church in California and millions of others from every faith, ethnicity and political affiliation who voted for Proposition 8 exercised the most sacrosanct and individual rights in the United States — that of free expression and voting.

While those who disagree with our position on Proposition 8 have the right to make their feelings known, it is wrong to target the Church and its sacred places of worship for being part of the democratic process.

Once again, we call on those involved in the debate over same-sex marriage to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility towards each other. No one on either side of the question should be vilified, harassed or subject to erroneous information.

I love that our church will continue to stand for something as it turns the other cheek and urges membership not to react or retaliate or take offense in the face of such offensive behavior. I love that I have never heard mention of another church's beliefs from the pulpit of my church, we just focus on what we believe and on giving liberally of our time and resources to all good causes including partnering extensively with other Christian faiths to serve the world in times of natural disaster, famine and oppression. I love that as a result of all this protesting and dare I say, rioting, there will be more unity in the religious community, and I am confident that more positive things will sprout from this protesting than negative things.

I would love to see more unity and less discord felt by members of other Christian faiths, believe me, we are more than willing to embrace mutually respectful relationships with people who have such similar standards and values, I have met one family here in town who know I am LDS and they even invited me to pray for them regarding a job change during a time of financial burden. I felt like a million bucks to be counted as a person of faith by another person of faith, go figure!

We didn't think we were going to be popular by joining with other faiths in the Prop 8 effort. If we had lost, we may have been heard again in other elections on the subject, but we would have respected the outcome decided by a majority vote, and that would be it. We are all for whatever peaceful protesting you feel you need to do, protest away...we should all be passionate about what we believe, that isn't a right reserved for just you or just us. Maybe these people aren't familiar with the early LDS church history, but the terror that is being used to intimidate membership of our church is not new to us and certainly won't change our commitment to what we believe. We live in a country where it was previously LEGAL TO KILL A MORMON, and where our Prophet was murdered for his religious beliefs, where a temple was burned to the ground...and these early believers did not waver in the face of death and certainly won't be swayed by cowardly threats by people who are intolerant of beliefs that differ from their own.

Can't we all support the democratic process and take a loss every once in awhile? It's not a closed book, it's not the last word or the last chance...protesters should use their energy to focus on future political efforts to further their own political agendas! I understand the personal nature of what is at stake for the homosexual population here, but I don't understand their reaction to the vote not going their way.

We don't all have to agree, but can't we all just get along?

Mia miracle...

After four months of waiting, the hospital called Mimi last night and let her know that they had "accepted a heart for Mia". She is in surgery as I write and will hopefully be done by noon today. Keep in touch with her progress on their family blog!

Butterflies...

Halloween was fun! The girls wanted to be butterflies (more accurately, Ruby wanted to be a butterfly and Alice wanted to be whatever Ruby was going to be), and so I bought some posterboard and we made the wings together. I was lucky it didn't rain, because it had been raining all day! We went to the trunk or treat in our church parking lot and then Chris took the girls around the neighborhood real quick. We started and stopped early, so the girls proceeded to answer the door for all the trick-or-treaters, which left me and my mom to visiting and knitting! YAY!