After almost a decade since being diagnosed with stage two breast cancer, my aunt Carol passed away on February 12th. I am grateful that about a month before her passing, my mom told me she was starting to lose some brain function/memory, and it was an instant panic I felt to get to her while I could. She has six children and they were all alarmed as well and on their way into town, so I went up and spent the day with she and my mom and Brooks and Sydney were there some of the time as well. I knew once her kids got there they would need their time and my chance would be gone. She wasn't feeling overly on her way out, so I went under the guise that I was "in the neighborhood" and after crying the whole way there, I pulled over until you couldn't really tell anymore and got my makeup on and resolved to keep it together. It was nice visiting with her. We talked about her dad and his journals and things we had learned from them and we talked about McCall in college and my baby boy on the way and just chatted it up.
After that, things happened fast. All the kids arrived that night after I was gone and she was told a few days later that she did have cancer in her brain and had maybe six to eight months to live if she took well to radiation treatments that could buy her some time. She started radiation and after like two weeks, she was needing blood transfusions of healthy blood super regularly...first it was once a month then every two weeks then she went only a week and barely managed until the next one and then was even feeling winded the day after her transfusions. Her body just didn't make healthy blood anymore on it's own. The doctor talked to her about this and the decision was made on a Monday for her to go on hospice, which might give her two weeks. What a shocker that news was. I wanted to go see her right away and say a real goodbye, but we were all sick at our house and I didn't want to take germs up with me. I thought I had at least four or five days. Chris went on Monday night to see her and she was mostly seeming asleep, but he sat close and told her how much we love her and why we chose to give Betsey her name as a middle name and how we look forward to the day when Bets will ask us who Carol was and we can tell her all about her. Carol could hear him, but kept apologizing for drifting off while he talked. So anyway, that was our family goodbye. The next night, I was texting Brooks who was with her and telling him that I was going to come no matter what on Weds during the day by myself to say goodbye. He responded a few minutes later with, "My mom just passed away." I was sitting on the toilet to be honest. I was SHOCKED. It was like 2 weeks was really only 24 hours, and she was gone. I called Chris home and left for the hospice center in Kirkland to be with her body and all the family that was gathering for a few hours. We had a nice time listening to Duncan tell us stories about Carol, he read a few things from her most recent journal and it was just such a treat to see him next to her, easily talking about how special she was and telling stories about his experiences taking such good care of her for so long.
Here is what my mom wrote of the time spent at the hospice center.
Hospital experiences on February 12th, the
day Carol passed away.
The day that our dear Carol passed away, many of us were in
the hospice center near Totem Lake hospital.
Bob, Jordan and I came to deliver some food, and then to linger for a
bit, spending time with Carol and her family. When we arrived, Carol was in
quite a deeper sleep, with mouth open and a labored and loud breathing, or
snoring. It became evident that her time
here was shortening. I wanted to rub her legs, something she enjoyed. They were
cold though, and Duncan was very protective of anything too strenuous done to
her.
He shared about how he had been reading a book provided by
hospice about the death processes, and he seemed protective and tuned in on her
needs. How kind he was to help us all feel that we could linger and be a part
of this time with their family. Brooks confirmed this as he said…”I am so glad
that you are all here with us.”
We took turns holding Carol’s hand and speaking softly in
her ear. Duncan and his four youngest were there. Scott and Ashley were in
route by plane, and then Courtney was to fly in the next morning. Tom and Nancy
were there, and had brought Kimberly and Danny. John had come earlier, Diana
came by with the 3 girls, and then John later joined us again along with J.
Duncan was sweet to share stories, and seemed to enjoy the
company of so many, so we stayed on and on.
Duncan shared a story about their dog, Connelly: Duncan
shared how on Sunday, February 9th the day they left home for the
hospital, Connelly was following them outside. As Duncan opened the door for Carol,
Connelly jumped in like a puppy. It was with ease that he jumped up onto
Carol’s seat, where normally in the past while…Connelly could only get in with
help.
Duncan, sadly needed to remove Connelly, and Carol got in.
Then as Duncan opened the back door, Connelly again jumped in with
determination. Again it was necessary for Duncan to remove Connelly!
Then, as Duncan opened his door to jump in Connelly beat him
to the punch and was in and on the floor, crouched down with no intention of
leaving. Again, Duncan needed to remove Connelly. Connelly was Carol’s good
friend. Like a good friend, he did not want to leave Carol alone, and showed
his concern by insisting on joining them. Carol expressed how intuitively
Connelly knew when she was not feeling well. When that was the case… he wanted
to be so very near! He may have known too that Carol was soon to pass on as
dogs are known to know and sense of these things.
Carol loved labs, and she loved all their dogs…and had a
hard time passing up a new little pup when the opportunity would arise. She
would say that “ I think I have a problem…I maybe should get counseling for it!”
She, and Duncan too had a hard time saying no to another opportunity to buy a
lab pup…even if they only had a couple. In the mobile home it did not seem
practical., but the pups were always a part of their household.
The family would joke about who would make it the
longest…Connelly or Carol. One day recently when Carol got out of the tub…she
announced to Connelly that “I think you are going to win”…that is not the way
she said it…but that is the gist of it.
Duncan also shared recently how he and Carol were laying in
bed and talking about the other side and what it would be like. As Carol dozed
off after their conversation, Duncan considered their conversation and pondered
more upon the welcome she might receive. He said that he is not sure if it was
a vision, a dream, or just a little tender mercy, but in his state “of sleep” he
recalls Norma coming forward toward
Carol, and saying “My Dear Carol, My Dear Carol". Duncan was emotional and it was very sweet!
Also, sometime in the month of January, Carol had received a
blessing from Patriarch Walker…a good friend of Kirk and Norma’s. She had made
a request of him to provide this blessing…and it was her wish to receive peace
about death. She loved her family, and with the desire to stay and continue as
a part of their lives…she needed peace and comfort in considering the road
ahead. There were some parts of the blessing that included remarks about Carol
continuing to influence her children, and that this influence would be felt and
recognized by them. I do not do this justice as do not have the wording used in
her very sweet blessing, but wonderful promises for her children and
Duncan…left behind.
Duncan’s brother John was there for a good while, and I have
written down that he said the following to Carol,
“Carol, You are the most phenomenal mother I know!”
“You are the definition of love, and you deserve to go to
heaven.”
That ends my mom's written memories of that night.
The funeral was held that weekend on Saturday afternoon, the 16th. I offered and they accepted to do the funeral program design. Brooks came to my mom's with everything preplanned and we plugged it all in to a nice program, see below.
I took a few pictures of the displays outside of the funeral during the family viewing time. The things the family chose to display are a great summary of Carol. She was a skier...a really good one.
She loved Labrador retrievers. A lot. Many of them. :)
She was an amazing seamstress and not only that, she had taste that was always right up with or ahead of the trends. I even took her shopping after I got engaged to help me pick out fabrics to transform Chris' bachelor pad into a nicer homey feel. She just had really impeccable taste.
She was a grandmother...a great one and she embroidered these drawings by her kids and grandkids in order to make an eventual quilt out of them.
She was a quilter. We spent a few fun summer weeks in McCall over a couple of years when it was just me and Ruby and we would sew and sew together and then she drove all night so Ruby could sleep on the way home. It was just Carol, my mom and Ruby and myself. It was very memorable and nice to sew with her...and shop with her and fabric shop with her! That is a quilt behind the picture frame, a western theme.
I am so glad I was able to do two family portrait sessions for her family the past two summers. SO GLAD! There is one on the table there...she and her girls!
Here is a sweet card Ruby made for the Biddles.
This is from Alice. Love her.
So in true LDS form, the family of the deceased is provided a nice meal by the church members after the funeral. It is such a blessing to be able to eat together and not just run our own directions, especially since many of the family is from out of town. There were 166 family members counted in town (not all pictured) to pay respects to Carol and her family. It was very humbling to see all the love and support and connection she shared with the family.
Here is Duncan with the kids. Ashley (Scott's wife), Sydney, Brooks, Duncan, Taylor, Courtney, McCall and Scott. Love them.
My mom better watch it because she should be a professional funeral speaker. I couldn't even get through a hymn for a second, and yet my mom, was able to stand and talk about her sister candidly and with emotion, but not being emotional. I was impressed and happy for her that she was able to do such a nice job of representing Carol and her life to the many people who came to show their love fof her. I don't know how many people were there, maybe 400?
Here is my mom's life sketch.
Carol
Christine Anderson Biddle was born to loving parents, Kirk and Norma Anderson on April 5th, 1956. She joined two older
brothers, Eric age 8, and Kirk age 10. She
grew up, living in a North Seattle Neighborhood called Blue Ridge.
Her brother Eric
shared how, when their family would travel the old highway and have to travel
through the town of Lime where there was the old cement processing plant…now
closed, he and Kirk would tease Carol that she would marry someone from Lime…and live there.
Gentle teasing…
Next to a picture of Carol at the age of 7, Carol’s father
Kirk wrote in his journal… "I remember when we became aware that Norma was
pregnant in 1956. I made a plea to the Lord to send us a special, precious
female spirit. Time has proven that this fervent supplication in prayer was
granted.”
Following the passing of my parents, Carol welcomed myself, age
13, and my three younger brothers aged 10, 8 and 3 into her home. I shared a
room with Carol. We did not fight, and yet we lived as sisters. This maybe
sounds unheard of…but to my recollection it was true!
Carol’s parents, Norma and Kirk Anderson as I said, had 3
children of their own (Kirk 20, and Eric 18) & then Carol age 10…So, it was
quite a sacrifice to take on the raising of myself and 3 younger brothers. With
her parents sweet and kind sacrifice, coupled with a desire to provide a spiritually
based home, and because our dear Heavenly Father is so kind…we were very blessed.
Carol and I have spoken about this throughout the years, and again just 3 weeks
ago as a few of us were gathered, Carol and I concurred, and we know that an
added measure of the spirit graced our home as we grew up through those years
together.
Carol was on the Blue Ridge swim team, an excellent swimmer.
She loved horses, and she loved Saturday outings to our church owned property
near CleElum, Ensign Ranch where Carols parents boarded 2 horses. We learned to trot, then gallop, crossing
rivers…and exploring the hillside… another opportunity to get a way from the
world and be together.
Carol learned to sew at a young age, and this truly was a
talent. Coupled with a flair for style, and Carol knew her style and her taste
on everything, she sewed clothes and quilts for her family. She always had a
sewing project going. Recently Carol sewed vintage patterned dresses for her
two youngest girls, which McCall and Sydney will treasure. She and her girls,
Courtney Sydney and McCall enjoy finding unique fabrics and whipping up skirts,
pillows, and purses. Even when
Carol was sick, she was determined to complete twin bed quilts for
grandchildren according to their chosen room themes, complete with pillowcases.
Carol and
her girls were recently speaking with Mom about when they would marry. She let
them know that although she will not be here when that day comes, that she
plans to lend help.
Sydney threw
out a couple of wedding colors she personally didn’t care for…and Mom obviously
concurred, because she said, if you pick those colors I will let you
know…believe me, I will let you know!
Carol had a
favorite get-away place in Idaho called McCall. You who know Carol, know that
she loved this place, and her experiences began there as a young child. I had
the blessing of sharing in those experiences. I recall best some teen years
when we (just us kids) drove the boat most of the day, spending $5 on a tank of
gas. It seemed that we had the run of the lake, skiing, and pulling each other.
We have often reminisced about how we beat out the bottom of an orange plastic
boat as we took turns going on thrill rides. Unlike the comfy thrill riding
tubes of today…we would get our knees bruised up as we knelt in there and got
bounced around unmercifully! Did it matter…no! We loved it!
Carol was an
excellent slalom skier. And later, Carol & Duncan would get to the water
first thing, …it just took a rock at the bedroom window of their cabin from
another family cabin and family member…to say lets get to the beach while the
water is still pristine…or glass!
Carol and
Duncan had their first date on May 25, 1973…almost 40 years ago. She was 16 a
sophomore, and Duncan was 17, a Junior. Being attracted to him as they saw each
other on a snowski outing…she was thrilled when he called and asked her out on
a date! This first date was a double date with a best high school buddy Melanie.
Carol
attended Ricks College in Rexburg Idaho. She was able to ski at Grand Targhee Wyoming
while attending school there, and even worked as a ski instructor. This sport
of snow skiing was something Carol and Duncan enjoyed together as a couple whenever
possible, and they had opportunities to ski together in Idaho, Utah, and even
in Snowmass Colorado with Carol’s parents and family members.
Carol and
Duncan were married in the Salt Lake Temple May 4th, 1979
They lived
in Provo Utah, where they had their first child Courtney, and then 18 months
later…Scott. When Scott was 18 months old, Carol and Duncan moved from Provo to
Seattle. They bought a home in Bothell, where they lived for 7 ½ years. Brooks
and Taylor were born there.
They
purchased acreage in Snohomish and began the building of a log home. Sydney and
McCall were born to their family, as
they lived out here making memories with outdoor bonfires, motorcycle riding on
their property, fort building, as they played in the woods….they were a family
that spent time together. Carol so loved the way Duncan provided fun for their
children, by building ‘the tower, the swing to out swing any other…even later
one in their home. Carol and Duncan
taught their children about our Heavenly Father, and his son Jesus Christ. They
attended church together, they read scriptures together, and kneeling in family
prayer was a daily tradition for them.
I remember
Carol always providing fun craft opportunities for her Sydney and McCall. I
remember Courtney making a quilt with mom at a young age. I know that in the raising of her
children…they had Carol’s heart. She noticed and capitalized on their best natures.
She read to her children…Brooks had a special novel assignment from school…and
they read it together. Her grandchildren remember this also as a favorite
activity to do with Grandma.
And so I
read this little poem to Carol’s 6 grandchildren…Paige, Kali, Drew, Brigg,
Tagg, and Maxx.
You give me
a kiss
You give me
a hug,
You smile
when you see me too.
I wish every
child in the whole wide world
Had a
grandmother just like you.
You read me
a book,
You sing me
a song.
You whisper
you love me too.
I wish every
child in the whole wide world
Had a
grandmother just like you.
I’ll try to
be good;
I’ll do as I
should.
I’ll
whisper, “I love you too.”
I wish every
child in the whole wide world had a grandmother just like you.
As Carol
became ill, the personality of the Biddle family stayed in tact. Not always using
tact however. If you didn’t know the Biddle’s you might not want to hear all
the “funny” comments made, like, “mom…this
is the last of the trips upstairs to get water for you.” I think Taylor kind of
paved the way for this type of humor.
None could
be more loving than these children as they vied for the seat next to mom…They
come into your home…and you think you are going to sit next to Carol and
visit…well think again, because her two young daughters needed to cozied up to
mom on the couch…showering her with attentions.
Their family piled into bed together and wanted to talk with mom about
their lives and their personal concerns. How this lifted Carol’s spirits!
None could
be more attentive than Carol’s Duncan. On days when Carol was obviously not
feeling well, he could not stand to be far from her. A beautifully prepared
breakfast tray, coming to check on her…kneeling beside her…offering his service
in any way… Spending hours with Carol watching some Alfred Hitchcock Downton
Abby, and Carol loved loved “ An Affair to Remember” she loved Carey Grant!
We believe
as a body of Saints, as members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day
Saints that there are prophets in the land today. Just as when the Savior
established His church in Jerusalem…we believe He has provided again for us in
this dispensation. Carol loved the words
of the Prophets…she trusted in their promises… she recently wrote in her journal
some very simple words by a past prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley. “It
isn’t as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don’t worry.“ Then
Carol wrote, “I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out”. She
continues with President Hinckley’s words…”Put your trust in God, and move
forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake
us…if we will put our trust in Him. If we will pray to Him, if we will live
worthy of His blessings , He will hear our prayers.”
She did trust
in the Lord, and was grateful for his protecting power upon her family, son
Scott with Ashley and their 5 children, just last summer. As they were hit from
behind, Her 4 year old grandchild, Tagg
was thrown from the car, and then stood waiting till his family discovered
where he was. Their family considers
this an angel miracle, that he lived. Carol wrote in her journal how she had
prayed that morning, as she does every morning for the safety of her family,
and said “Tagg is alive today because Heavenly Father protected him, and the
rest of the family. Carol said “Gratitude is ever present on my mind…it plays
over and over.” She was grateful for all the good in her life, mainly family
and their close relationships. Her great desire is for her family to remain
close…and to continue as good friends.
The children
of Duncan and Carol, are grateful that they had the best parents! Just looking
at a note McCall wrote to them…I know this typifies how all the children feel
about their loving and supportive parents, Carol and Duncan. To Quote ”You are
so selfless, you let us live our dreams.” How sweet too that their Courtney,
Scott,(with spouse Ashley) Brooks, Taylor,
Sydney, and McCall foster family relationships by doing things together,
whether it is a hiking trip to Havasupi, shopping the REI garage sale, getting
shakes, …… Carol’s positivity inspired by her spirit, inspires their
hearts! It inspired all our hearts! You and I know that we were made to feel
special, unique and appreciated by Carol.
I felt renewed by her spirit and I remember telling my daughter that I was
honestly left Carol feeling recharged when we had spent time together.
Carol was
drawn to doing family history work. As she read their many stories, and
prepared them for her children, she said “ I am so strengthened by my ancestors.”
It helped her know their struggles and travails…and that life holds challenges
for all of us!
To quote
Elder Russell M. Nelson,
“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent
prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I
know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are
never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise
Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of
our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential.
If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and
courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”
—Russell M. Nelson,
“Jesus Christ—the Master Healer,” Ensign, Nov. 2005
I know Carol awaits, and prepares a place for her
family…and we will all rejoice to see her again!
The end. My mom is a good woman for being able to speak at her sister's funeral! We had a hard time finding someone to play the piano because those closest to her felt too emotional to do it. :) My mom was brave and did a very good job offering a balanced view of Carol to the large crowd gathered for her funeral. I was inspired by my aunt and the talk reminded me that I want to be a better mother...like Carol. I also hope I can let people feel around me the way she did. She really did a great job of making people feel loved and special and she wasn't judgmental of those who may have thought they weren't on par with where they wanted to be or thought they should be in life.
My awesome mom was visiting Carol two years ago around my birthday and had a card she was putting in the mail to me. She knew it would mean a lot to me to have Carol write in the card as well, and so she did. For some reason, I didn't want to read it then. For about 4 years anticipating her passing as if it was or could be the next day. I kind of ran from the reality, loving her from more of a distance and not reading sweet things like this card. I taped it to the inside of my kitchen cabinet and that is where it has been. Unread.
For my journal sake, it says...
Rebecca,
Thinking about you always brings a smile to my face. You are so talented! You are the best friend everyone would want to have. I'm mesmerized by your stories! You are the best story teller. You have an adorable husband and girls. You have amazing talents and I love being around you and my family loves anytime they can be around you. I wish I could convey how much I admire you and how much you mean to my family. I just love you and I hope you have a very special day on your birthday.
Love, Carol
I really can't imagine McCall without Carol, it was a blessing that she has such a large family gathering room/kitchen at her home because we were able to spend two nights, the whole family hanging out, eating together and enjoying time together...but it was hard driving up that driveway knowing she wasn't there anymore. I have learned from experience that I can't sing the hymn, "Because I Have Been Given Much" yet. We sang it at the funeral and it gets me still.
I hope I can be more of the mom she is because of her example. I know I can't be like her exactly, because she really has a gift that I don't have...but she example is inspiring. I love her unconditional love for her children. She seems to possess a trust in her kids that I admire.
How do I end this...the end? I miss you!?
Love,
Rebecca
