2013 Pumpkins...

Pumpkin carving was fun this year. Ruby and Alice did their own carving. I helped Alice on a few cuts but she did a great job cleaning her pumpkin and carving for the first time. Ruby too. Chris learned the hard way that you shouldn't ask a three year old what they want on their pumpkin if all you really want to do is a jack-o-lantern. Betsey loves her family and wanted a family pumpkin. I think Chris did a great job of making her dream come true! :)

Wow. These three girls are so awesome, I love them so much!

Alice's 8th Birthday...

Alice! I love her! She is such a unique person and very hard to describe, but those who know her get it. I love her because she is sensitive. She is sensitive to others and it is hard to believe she would be mean unless we are talking about sibling interactions...she can be a little grabby and hasty with siblings. She is innocent and young for her age...maybe immature in some ways and more mature in others. She is and has always been my most engineerish mind...I remember when she was like eighteen months and Ruby was four and a half, and Alice knew how to buckle and unbuckle her seat belt while Ruby had never even tried or cared to try. Alice liked to put her fingers in uncovered sockets and plug and unplug things and she loves puzzles and Lincoln Logs and blocks and building things. She is just really good at seeing how things fit together. She had a physical during her birthday month and Kim Kelly, her doctor believes she will be taller than Ruby. She weighs 60 pounds and it maybe three inches smaller than Ru. Her doctor things she has hyper attention, so that when she is focused on something she is really into, she is hard to interrupt. She loves practicing the piano and writing in workbooks for school. She enjoys reading to her younger siblings and playing learning games on the computer.

Alice got her ears pierced for her birthday! Chris took her, I stayed home with Leo. Felt a little sad to miss it but she decided kind of last minute that she wanted to do it and it was Leo's bedtime.

For her birthday, we went to lunch together. I had to get her out of the house because my mom was bringing down her girl cousins as a surprise. I did her hair special with these old bender curlers from my youth. I thought she looked really cute all fancy. She isn't one to want much attention, so she was a little sheepish about the extra attention but she did feel pretty. It is so darling how she will half way hate the attention but at the same time she can't hide that it makes her feel good too.

Off to lunch we went. It was fun. She wanted pizza so we went to The Rock. My mom pulled in a few minutes after we left, so I left Leo with Ruby for a few minutes and it was really just us!

This is the face of a girl who wishes she wasn't having her picture taken. Gah. I adore her!

The cousin surprise was delightful. I like the video footage better...but it was really fun and she was really excited to have Hailey, Emma and Sarah with her for her day.

AND OMA!!!

Sarah, Ruby, Emma, Alice and Hailey.

For her party, her friends Shayla, Ella and Mattie came over and we sewed skirts for all the girls and watched a movie and had dinner...spaghetti, per Alice's request.

 I love that Chris is reading the "Alice is Six" book that I make for each of the girls (I have to start remembering to say "kids" not "girls" now!!) when they turn six.

 Alice always exudes joy when she opens her presents. She really just glows with smiles and happiness with each and every one. Even if she doesn't know what it is or has never wanted it in her life...but it is endearing because it isn't rehearsed or insincere...it's just her. She's so cute!

I didn't get any pics of her friends...but once my mom and I finished all the skirts the next day, we got this cute shot of Alice with her sissies and cousins.

I took these pics of Alice when she came home with her pierced ears. She loves them!

Love4Mia...

 It's hard to believe that a year has passed and at the same time it is hard to believe it has only been a year. Sweet little Mia went to heaven a year ago. I don't know how to express myself openly because I know pretty much everything I say is like a broken record to Mimi and I don't want her to read a broken record.

I just want to focus on the little things that were done to get through the hard anniversary. Our family was invited by the McDonald/Conway families (John's side of the family) to a dinner at a local church building. The night started an hour before little man's bedtime, his crankiest hour...so we got there and I took pics for everyone and then we fed the kids and bolted home (Leo screamed the bulk of it). I was glad we got to go, but sad we didn't get to stay for the little program that was planned for after dinner.

The family got these cute window stickers made for everyone...

 Dinner...baked potatoes. I brought a crockpot of chili.

 Bestey picked up this pic off of one of the tables and wanted me to take a picture of it.

 We did a big group shot of everyone outside the church building. I was impressed that John's mom and her husband's (not present that night) family were able to gather WITH John's dad and his wife, Carol and their families. It was theirs, his, hers...everyone. I think that is great. If there was one thing that I came away from Mia's funeral thinking, it was that we all just need to love more! Sometimes in relationships, there must be boundaries in order to have the greatest peace in a relationship...and I'm sure that is the case here. Everyone seemed glad to share the gathering for Mia was a real testimony of their love for her and their desire to honor her memory.

This is a shot of everyone in attendance. I was taking it on a tripod, so I was doing some running back and forth. It worked though!

 Here, I was on top of Chris's truck and he was pulled up on the sidewalk of the church. I pieced together four different shots in order to get this panorama. It turned out!

 Mimi asked people who wanted to remember Mia, to join she and John in doing nice things for others in Mia's name. I have to say, the days leading up to the anniversary were hard because I could remember what was happening a year ago and it was hard. The day of was somehow lighter because all day I was checking in on her hashtag to see what people were posting and it was really uplifting to see what others were doing to remember little Mia. A few things that I posted for others...Sandy made two trays of enchiladas to deliver to two homes that could use a prepared meal. She isn't on instagram where most of the activity was, so I posted for her. THANKS, Sand!

 Ruby and Alice and I bought some purple mums and took them around three different places. I know Anne knows it was us who delivered them to her, and she'll see this...so then there will be no doubt that she knew. Anyway, I could have taken them somewhere more annonymous but this was about giving my kids a chance to remember their little friend and I tried to make it personal for them by talking about how their good friends, the Eugenio kids, lost a cousin. Their cousins are chief in thier lives, so that really impacted them and they really, really wanted to deliver the flowers to Eli, Isaac, Eve and Luke (and of course I wanted to bring some cheer to Anne and Dillon). So. We went there. They didn't come to the door while we were there. We knocked a bunch and then eventually the dog figured out we were there and started to bark and the kids bolted. I assume Anne got them that evening when she got home from her church responsibilities.

We also delivered to Alice's primary teacher from when she was 5-6, Allison, who just lost her husband to cancer. She was adamant about that, and I know Allison doesn't know it was us but she posted on facebook about it and it made the girls know that they could bring her a little happiness. We also delivered to a woman in our ward who lost her daughter and husband in a car crash five years ago. She is someone we adore and admire and the kids had just been with Chris over the weekend pressure washing her gutters and so they thought of her right away.

 I had friends talking about Mia...far flung friends, people I've known since Kindergarten...Taryn is of course someone I still get in contact with, but I haven't seen Raquel (Kelly to me) since high school...

 I designed this little card to take with the flowers. I had this picture because I helped Mimi edit the background out of it for her drill team t-shirts...and it seemed like a good one to choose when making it available to the public (I posted it for others to use) because her face isn't on it. I don't know, it just seemed more discreet...and this is a joyful shot of Mia dancing.

John and Mimi were in Hawaii and it was neat to see their posts throughout the day as they delivered goods to homeless people and to children on the beaches and spread some Mia joy all day. I admire Mimi for making the day something more than just sadness, and there was definitely sadness. I was just grateful it wasn't only sadness. I hope to do this every year, even if it is just something quiet in the future that I do with the girls (I guess one day, Leo won't have a 6:30 bedtime and we'll include "the boys". We all miss you, Mia!

30 questions to ask yourself before you die...part 2

What issues can you help with? I like to think that as a member of a conservative, religious, patriarchal and somewhat old school sub-culture, that I help people around me understand how to exist within the essential doctrines and still shed some of the super lame social constructs. Does that make sense? My religion isn't oppressive to women or hateful to those who choose to live life in any other way that isn't like "our way". There are many misunderstandings and social opinions put on LDS people by ignorance of members, media and a slowly evolving social history. I don't subscribe to a sexist religion or a homophobic re ligion. I'm not even part of a close minded or back woods religion. I do encounter plenty of people with behavior that perpetuates those constructs in the social culture of local church experience. I'm not into it. I'd like to think that challenging people like that, or simply suggesting that their views aren't in harmony with the essential aspects of our religious beliefs that I help people be more open minded and less judgmental. This doesn't mean that I think the true core of any of our beliefs need altering, I don't. For me, being open minded and loving everyone and believing in freedom of choice at all costs is in perfect harmony with my faith.

How can you express yourself creatively? I don't know if I am very creative. I think I am more of a precise, calculated, planned person. I'm not very willy nilly. For example, I love to sing, but I cannot, will not and never will sing Karaoke because I take myself too seriously and I know it will sound bad. I do things that people think are creative, like take pictures...I take pictures, but for me this is a technical endeavor, not a creative one. People who are creative at photography posses a magic that I don't have. I copy those people.

How do you manage your time? What works for you? I procrastinate. Then when I'm under the gun, I perform at my best. It's not ideal and it doesn't always work, but I've been doing it my whole life. It works for me.

If you were to leave the world today, what’s your manifesto? Hmmmm. I'm not gonna answer this. I have a quirk. I always hear from people who have lost loved ones, that they are amazed at the ways that person who is now deceased was unknowingly preparing for death. Grudges are forgiven, life insurance randomly increased, vacations always on the back burner are booked and enjoyed thoroughly. Then, they die. I feel like this entire process of thirty questions is in a way writing my own life sketch. People would say, "Oh, how wonderful she got that all written down before she was hit by the semi on Tuesday. She was preparing and she didn't even know it. What a blessing." So. I'm not writing my "manifesto," because it's like saying I am ready to die, and I'm not. This belief holds me back in various areas of my life! I'll think, "I should write this random family member a letter saying how much I love and admire them." Then I'm like, "nah...then I'd die."

What makes you come alive? What ignites you? I really hate to answer this question honestly because it makes it sound like I believe the way I believe or choose what I choose for the sake of a Devil's advocate rise. It isn't like that, but I do get a rise or become alive when I feel I have discovered something or learned something that denies or contradicts the status quo. I don't blabber to the masses about these findings, I keep them primarily to myself and if I extend them at all it is to people with like minds and opinions. I enjoy having information presented to me as fact and then doing my own analysis and study of the topic and formulating my own opinions. I guess maybe this boils down to being ignited by freedom and choice. I love asking "why" and I subscribe to conversations and efforts where the "why" is being explored. For example, I think it is seriously awesome that I have four children and have only treated them with antibiotics a combined total of less than five times. Betsey and Leo never (obviously on Leo, he's so young still!)! Alice once! Ruby four other times! I am ignited knowing that I have found (or been shown is more like it, I'm no pioneer) natural remedies that I rely on for common health issues that on the whole work every time. I don't hate antibiotics, I am glad they are there when I need them, but I love having alternatives that are effective, safe and without negative side effects.

Music. Music ignites me. I love meaningful lyrics and unique or even very simple harmonies. I have been reading a lot lately and I always think about what songs would be a good soundtrack to each chapter in the books I read. Some of the authors do provide their soundtrack at the end of the books, but the artists are often obscure so I don't relate to those. I have a soundtrack to my own life. I have favorite friendship songs, songs that were actually in the background of my life experiences, breakup songs, falling in love songs, married songs, parenting songs...etc. I love music!

Family. I can't believe Chris and I became parents together almost eleven years ago. I love the routine and traditions and humor and inside jokes that make up our uniquely ours family. I love reading the scriptures and praying together. I love how Betsey has to pray EVERY SINGLE TIME ANYONE prays. It seems like she isn't going to grow out of this, it's been going solid for like nine months. I love listening to music and singing along with my kids. I love how when Chris comes home, my kids pick the Johnny Cash Pandora Channel instead of the Carrie Underwood channel. I love the silly games the kids make up to play rough with Chris in the evenings. I love how much Ruby and Alice light up for every move Betsey and Leo make. 

What are your most painful memories? This might seem dumb, but my most painful experience that affects me the most today is the break up between Chris and I when we were in college. I feel like because of that break up and the five years before we were married, I in a small way can imagine what it would be like if I/we were stupid enough to lose what we share now. Certainly, our relationship at that time was immature and not ready to become a long-term life. However, I guess it impacted me because when I have loathed being married at times or wished he would go away for good, I know in my heart what it is like to not have him in my life. I really would hate it! Even when he really, really bugs me! I have other painful memories that I don't feel like sharing. Nope.

There those are my final questions for that exercise! I am done! I didn't like the last few, they are about food and exercise and seemed redundant about what makes you weep, etc. I just want to be done...I'm good.