University of Mimi...

I called this post University of Mimi, because I feel like while we have been friends over the past four years, I have been continually aware of ways that I could improve based Mimi's example. I'm not really the kind of person who measures up against someone and comes away feeling small. For me, it's either I come away glad to be who I am or motivated to change for the better. That said, I'm just not much for comparing. So when I say I compare myself to Mimi and come up short every time, it is not in the spirit of "I give up!" or "I could never be as ___________ as she is." It is more like, "huh...that part of Mimi is so appealing, I should see if it works for me too."

Okay, so Mimi is gone. She moved to Utah. A few days after Mimi made the announcement on her blog, my bff Lyndsey, a sister-friend of 29 years seriously sent me a text saying, "just saw Mimi's blog...she can't move! I don't feel right about her leaving you..." then, a few days later, an email from my Megan saying the same thing. But it is true, she did move. I wasn't planning on saying goodbye, I told her there wouldn't be a "goodbye moment." I just didn't think I needed that, and I was emotional just thinking about it. So she called me a few minutes before showing up on my doorstep to give me her local entertainment coupon book, her four kids in the van en route to Utah, and the goodbye was inevitable, and awful.

So I know our friendship isn't over, but I have been trying to figure out what is different about my friendship with Mimi that makes me so affected by her departure. I have been crying like someone has died for over 24 hours (obviously not continuously, but we are talking about hours of accumulation in the past day). I have loved other friends who have moved far away, and yet nothing like this. I think I've come up with a few reasons why Mimi is so special to me.

1. Mimi doesn't acknowledge my faults. I have many, many, many faults...and they are really noticeable when I am around Mimi, but she never seems to dwell on them. I could make lists right now of the things that the people closest to me wish they could change about me...but I can't think of anything that Mimi thinks is annoying. AMAZING! I recognize that there are things that bother her, but she must trust me to find them on my own. I love this about her! I have never even apologized to her for talking too much...and I apologize to the grocery checker for that!

2. Mimi changed me forever in 2006 when she assured me that I could "do no wrong" in her book. I think I had done something that I believed she may have been hurt by, so I called her to apologize, and she was like, "we are waaaaaaayyy past that, you don't have to worry about offending me, I know you!" I don't know if I have ever had someone put that kind of blanket confidence in me before, I'm not sure I really understood what she even meant. I do now. Mimi knows me, she knows that I don't want to hurt her, so she always gives me the benefit of the doubt. If something flies that shouldn't, she has already written it off. Does this sound relieving to anyone but me? This was like an exhale moment for me, because I'm a big pleaser, and I always analyze my behavior after a social gathering and then I start to wonder if this or that that I said or did was taken the wrong way, etc. I had exempt status with her, and learned how it felt and I've tried to extend that amnesty to other friends in my life. I know that much of this ability she has stems from her own stand alone, no- matter-what love for herself.

3. Mimi loves herself. She is so easy to be around, because she doesn't seek compliments, self deprecate, focus on her looks, apologize for every move she makes, etc. She just happily likes who she is. She isn't conceited, just content with her life herself. I really like myself too, and so being around her, I never felt I needed to play small, hide my success or deflect a compliment to make someone else feel better. This is a gift she possesses.

4. Mimi is limitless. Does that sound super cheesy? Well, that is because you don't know any limitless people. I only know of one, her. When Mimi was growing up and someone told her the old, "you can do anything you set your mind to cliche," she took it to heart and makes that a reality every day. A few months after I met her, she started an effort to raise money for a dear friend of hers who had upwards of $100,000 in medical debt. She had ongoing cancer like seven times, and children with special needs. Mimi wanted that debt gone...not the way most people would think...making payments for ten years? Nope. Mimi formed a committee and raised almost $40k in one evening for this family. Is that the same as $100k? No, but most of us would have been super satisfied with the $40k. Not Mimi...anything is possible, remember? So Mimi became the point of contact for all the debt collectors of her friends. She bargained hard with all these people trying to collect money from her friend and got debt halved all over the place. That's a big example. A small example is that Mimi doesn't have to show her YMCA card at the side entrance of our YMCA! Let me fill unfamiliar guests in that the side entrance might as be for the President of the United States, because with out the right cred, you are not getting in...unless you are Mimi! Basically, when she hears someone talk about something that is limiting them, she is surprised that they are allowing the limitation to limit them. She is limitless, and I have had some limitless moments on her coat tails, and it's pretty awesome.

5. Mimi is there for her people all the time, around the clock, no matter what, and she will never let you know how inconvenient your needing her is. I don't have this bone in my body. I think I've learned during our friendship, that I hardly ever make it easy on someone when they need me. It is so ugly to admit, but it is true. I give a lot of these kinds of responses, "Yeah, I can work that out...we have piano at noon, but I can just take all seven of the kids with me, no problem." Still willing, but I don't just leave it at: "Yeah, I can work that out." I kind of throw up my thought process of how what they need of me will fit into my life. Mimi could have been up all night with food poisoning and had three kids wet beds and if I called her to babysit for me all day, she'd simply say, "Sure, what time?" This is really hard for me to do. It is so nice to have this offered to me, that I am trying to remember this when people need me, but I'm not sure I am unconsciously succeeding yet.

Mimi, there are so many amazing things about you! I love that you make nice dinners for your family, that you go couponing like a crazy lady, that you love Utah, that you say, "about it" at the end of lots of sentences when it doesn't make sense. I am going to miss the last minute text about running to Target and that turning into a leisurely shopping trip followed by shenanigans at one of our houses. I will miss your kids, I'll miss your JB and playing pictionary with you guys even though we never win. I will miss my kids playing with your kids, I'll miss you on the Elma trip this weekend, I'll miss Zumba with you and by you and I'll miss your kids knowing who I am when I walk in the door. I'll miss your laundry room entrances and your reclining couches. I'll miss the thug JB makes you and the ease of never having to explain my grumpy husband to you. I will miss your in-law family at all the random gatherings and the perpetual gatherings at your house because Chris can't hang with the threat of kids making messes. I'll miss being uncensored me, myself and I. I will miss the four of us laughing every time we get together about the same RB legend and other related stories. I'll miss being around you and John because your playful dynamic is super enjoyable to witness and for sure know that I can't ever compare down to you. I'll miss being your event photographer, and working with you and learning together. I'll miss Mia flirting with Chris and calling me, "Becca." I'll miss lemonade stands, garage sales, backyard marshmallow roasting and the babysitting shuffles that end with you doing all the driving of my sitter for me. I'll miss debriefing awkward situations that we both witness after the fact and having someone with a van that sometimes even rivals mine in nastiness.

Thank goodness I get to keep a few things...talking on the phone, IMing and reading your blog. Are those the only things I get to keep? Hmmmmmm...yep.

Don't hate me for posting these pics. I've been looking forward to them for so long...

I call this one, "Stage Mom Husband."

This one is of course, "Copping a Feel."

This one will have to be called, "Get a Room."

Either "You Can't Touch This" or "John Who?"

"Beauty Queen and the Geek" or "Geeks Need Love Too."