So today my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.
I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.
When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.
This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.
After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her Ruby, after my great-grandma, Ruby Svea Farmer. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.
It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.
Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.
"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"
I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.
I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.
After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.
I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.
I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...
Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. Ruby's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.
Finally, Ruby was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.
There she was! Ruby Jane Pierce! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, Ruby". They called 911.
This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, Ruby was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.
That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed and I was put under for an official DNC.
I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that Mama Bear feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.
Anyway, that is how my darling Ruby entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the Alice story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Parties and more parties...
Okay. I will actually manage a post with photos. What is with the bloggers of the world, we are all slacking on the chore of posting! I've noticed it with everyone!
We first celebrated R's birthday early using our free night at Wolf Lodge with my folks. Wolf Lodge is a huge hotel with an indoor water park, and other fun things for kids. I got a free night from Northwest Afternoon (thanks Sand!), and have been plotting carefully for the day when we'd actually use it.
The place is amazing. I'd say it would better suit an older family, say with kids no younger than R, but regardless, we enjoyed it to the fullest. The controlled 87 degree temp in the swim/slide area was perfect, the slides were really fun and then there is the amazing buffet, a great game called MagiQuest that R and I had a lot of fun with (it's a scavenger hunt all over the hotel...it's computerized and you get to wave your wand at things and they turn on, and then it is recorded that you found that item...there are clues and all kinds of things). 
R got to open her guitar, a gift from my parents, the one thing she really, really wanted for her birthday. "Mom, I want a guitar so I can have more talents!"
It was a nice time. We ran back into town early so we could be at the adult session of our stake conference with ELDER NELSON, which was amazing. I can't believe I haven't posted about that yet.
Anyway, we celebrated one week later when Chris' parents and "Uncle Doug" was here. R randomly wanted a "pony party". I'll forewarn all mothers of little girls, that "My Little Pony is out" according to the Party City lady. My mother-in-law was very dedicated to finding her the Pony stuff, so after Target and Walmart had nothing, she found a little out of style section at Party City with a few offerings. Meanwhile I was home making the cake. 
R loved her little party, never once asked if she was going to be celebrating with her friends, which really surprised me because we ALWAYS have a friend party and she has been to some recently, so I thought she'd wish for one. She didn't blow out all the candles at once, but she didn't care!
R's birth day...
So this month my baby girl turned six. How is it that six can sound so much older than five? I guess the aging is more apparent at their age, and I'm amazed at how much she's changed since we first met six years ago.
I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.
When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.
This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.
After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her R, after my great-grandma. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.
It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.
Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.
"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"
I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.
I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.
After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.
I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.
I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...
Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. R's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.
Finally, R was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.
There she was! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, baby". They called 911.
This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, R was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.
That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed) and I was put under for an official DNC.
I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that "mama bear" feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.
Anyway, that is how my darling R entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the A story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!
I think it is worthwhile to document how she was born, though maybe just for the mom's out there who get a kick out of a really juicy birth story, and for my own journal keeping.
When I found out I was pregnant, Chris and I had been married just three months. We'd planned on waiting awhile to have children, but there we were...we owned a home, he had a solid start on a promising career, my education was done, I'd seen the world and we'd known each other over ten years. All I could think about was a baby, we prayed about starting our family, felt like it was the right choice and voila, I was pregnant.
This was happy news, but after we called the folks and walked over to Jeff and Mary's to tell them the news, I called my bff Lyndsey and just BAWLED. The emotion totally took me off guard. After lots of thought and more tears...eight months of tears, I think I realized that I wasn't going into parenthood under any false pretenses that it was going to be easy, or that the baby was just going to hang out while Chris and I continued with our lives. I am the oldest of five children and had four younger siblings before I was nine years old, so I knew what changes were in store, and though I immediately loved that little person growing inside, I was fairly shaken by the immense responsibility and permanent change that was due to arrive on Christmas day.
After we called our little fetus "Brynn" for a few weeks, it dawned on me that I was giving birth to the first great-grandchild of my maternal grandparents, who had passed away before I was born. The realization caused me to think more about her name, and I became very passionate about naming her R, after my great-grandma. Chris was not a fan of the name to put it mildly, but apparently seeing me go through the physical torture that was my labor with our child, he gave in, because he was the first person to call her by her name after she was born.
It was the day after Thanksgiving, I was 36 weeks according to early due date estimates, but my midwives were thinking that I was farther along based on my measurements and due to the fact that the ultrasound we'd had indicated that we were maybe due more like the 15th of December. If that date was correct, I was within the allowed range (37 weeks to 41.5 weeks gestation) to deliver outside of the hospital.
Chris and I went to buy a Christmas tree after he got off work. We pulled all the decorations out and BIG SURPRISE, I started to cry. It was the same old cry, cuddling on the couch and telling Chris how much I was going to miss him when the baby came, and how we wouldn't be able to lay in bed in the mornings and we wouldn't be able to eat out or go out or ski or...you get the picture. After he comforted and reassured me for a good 45 minutes, he convinced me we should just go watch a movie in bed. We decided on "The Jerk" with Steve Martin. We both quickly fell asleep. I woke up after like ten minutes and reached over to turn out the lamp, and POP...my water broke.
"Chris, my water just broke!"
"Are you sure?"
Did he think I may have wet the bed??!!
"YES!"
I ran to the toilet and he ran for the vacuum. I was supposed to have a baby shower the next morning with my girlfriends from the growing up years, and so I first called Kelly and told her not to plan on me for brunch. Chris was baffled, "CALL Heike!" he said.
I called the midwives, and they said they'd rest (this was at like 10PM) and to call them when contractions were more intense. By 10:30 I had my first contraction, and they were pretty steady...short and like five minutes a part.
After sleeping, laboring, timing contractions, we eagerly met at the birth center at 6 AM Saturday morning. Mary, my doula was there with us as well as my mom. I was only 4 cm dilated! OUCH.
I enjoyed walking around with Chris for awhile, then I got in the tub. The warm water was amazing, I loved how weightless I felt. Labor for me was very internal. I just wanted silence, darkness, and I didn't ever open my eyes. No music, no talking. Chris was very supportive and helpful the whole time. I wasn't that raving lunatic lady you see on television--and I kind of thought I would be. I felt very reliant on my supporters, and vulnerable to them, and intensely grateful for their presence and concern for me. Even when people would annoy me by asking me questions, I'd use my "please" and "no thank-you"...I was more polite than normal. It wasn't intentional, just the way I felt safest. I didn't want to bark at someone and make them stop wanting to be there for me.
I had to have antibiotics every two hours, by way of a shot in my leg because I didn't want any IVs or things connected to me. This was a way that I could gauge how much time was passing. It was always my belief when they'd give me a shot it would be my last...but then they'd be at my side again giving me another...and another...
Finally, around 4PM, I was dilated to 10 cm. Unfortunately, my contractions ceased at this point. They were just GONE. We did some different things to stimulate uterine contractions, and no luck. R's heartbeat was strong, and so my midwife just said that I had to push her out. (Enter Ali, Heike had to catch a flight to somewhere, so her partner came on the scene. With no contractions to help push her down, and no instinct or urge to push, I had to get gravity on my side, so I sat on a horseshoe shaped stool close to the ground and leaned against Chris between pushes. This took THREE HOURS. THREE HORRID hours. I swore after watching so many women on television giving birth that I would never say things like, "I can't do it." So, I didn't...but I really wanted to.
Finally, R was ready to come all the way out. Heart was still beating strong, but then they noticed that the cord was wrapped around her little neck. They started cutting it and I just pushed her the rest of the way out.
There she was! She looked horrible. Not the horrible like a normal, healthy baby looks. She had an initial Apgar score of 2 (dead babies can have that Apgar) and her second score was a 5. The midwives started he on oxygen and told me to talk to her, as her heartbeat was suddenly slowing dramatically. I remember them counting the numbers out loud. I was numb. I don't think childbirth is something you can endure if you are emotionally plugged in, so I had to unplug to get through, and it wasn't really emotional for me. I just continued doing what they asked of me, like a robot. Talk to your baby, they'd say. I'd say, "Breathe, baby". They called 911.
This whole time, I was bleeding. I know this sounds like such a disaster, but we are talking about like sixty seconds between birth and the dialing of 911. The paramedics were there in like two minutes and by then, R was breathing on her own and in Chris' arms (though we never got that great, healthy newborn cry that is so reassuring). Now, all attention was on me. My uterus was still not contracting, the placenta was retained and the cord was unattached from the placenta. I was profusely bleeding.
That's really all the detail you need. I went to the hospital, and they said the doc wasn't available for 20 minutes. Ali knew I shouldn't wait 20 minutes, so she went a head and performed a DNC on me with her arm, got the placenta out and massaged my uterus into contracting. Lovely, let me tell you. The doc arrived, she examined the placenta (wow, she was not happy that my midwife had done anything to treat me in their hospital...there were a few threats spewed) and I was put under for an official DNC.
I nursed for the first time while I was still under. I KNOW! Crazy. I woke up, Chris was over snuggling with our baby that I'd never held, I had a catheter in and was hooked up to EVERYTHING on the planet in a horrible hospital bed. It was far from what I had imagined, but I really didn't care because I was so tired. I wouldn't say that I immediately felt that "mama bear" feeling for my baby. I was just pooped and still kind of emotionally unplugged.
Anyway, that is how my darling R entered this world! Poor baby! I was telling her the story this morning and she was really interested, it was fun. You'll have to stay tuned for the A story because you will find it theraputic after reading this one! She was worth it all!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Grateful...
I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, R and A, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.
I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):
Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)
The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):
Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
R: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"
Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.
1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.
5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.
So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!
I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):
Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)
The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):
Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
R: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"
Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.
1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.
5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.
So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thankful...
I just spent a lovely Thanksgiving with my husband, Ruby and Alice, our daughters, Sydney, my mother-in-law, Perry, my father-in-law and my brother-in-law, Doug. It was my first time ever hosting a holiday celebration in my home, and it was fun! It wasn't perfect (the stuffing was dry, the cheesy onions weren't cooked through and one of the batches of rolls were a little burned on the bottom) but I'd say it went well. We all enjoyed visiting and eating and then most of us followed that up with a nap. We played Settlers of Catan, ate pie and now we are gearing up for some Mario Cart Wii. We will probably invite the Elders to join us for some games after the kids are down.
I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):
Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)
The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):
Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
Ruby: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"
Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.
1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.
5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.
So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!
I talked to my company about what they are thankful for and learned some things. Most of us are thankful for the same top five things. Without rank, here are all the things we mentioned for our top five (there were some variations, so there are more than five):
Health
Prayer
Family
Spouse
Job
Gospel of Jesus Christ
United States of America
Food
Cabin (this was Sydney's)
The last five seem to show more our personalities, likes and dislikes more than the first five, which held a lot of commonality. Here's what everyone said (it was agreed upon that ranking such precious things is nearly impossible):
Chris: yard, cuddles, parents, forgiveness, pizza
Perry: Hugh Nibley, math/engineering, present age, memorable family experiences, mechanical things
Sydney: having our home paid off, singing, music, books, church calling (she's the primary chorister)
Doug: service, travel, future wife, memories, blenders
Ruby: "piggy, blankie, mario cart, my house, my family, my money, my piano"
Here are the things that came to me when I thought up my list. I'll include all ten because I actually varied more than I thought I would on the top five.
1-5: Family, Gospel of Jesus Christ, friends, financial security, knowledge/education. I wouldn't say these things are ranked, but they do stand clearly a head of the following five. I was the only person to rank friendship so high, and I guess for me, there isn't much of a difference between friends and family except that family is obligatory and friends can be carefully chosen. By obligatory I don't mean to downgrade the ties that bind, I love my family like true friends, the only difference I guess for me is that they have to love me no matter what, and friends don't. I imagine that if I had sisters, I might not value friendship so high. I'm just a girl who really values female bonding and girly stuff, and I have friends who are like sisters to me. Thank goodness for sisters-in-law, too! I put them in the friend and the family category, and we are young and our friendships often don't get the same nurturing as friends who live close by, but we will be sisters/friends forever, and I envision that over time ours will be some of my most valued relationships. Parents are in a league of their own--there's only one mom and one dad, and mine are the greatest! By education, I mean any kind of learning I do from knitting class, getting stains out, earning a formal degree ten years ago and learning to be more forgiving or patient. I love learning and feel very grateful to feel as though I am able to do so continually, every minute of every day. I guess this is also tied in with progress. I love to feel like my life is not stagnant, that I continually have the opportunity to progress and become a better person.
5-10: sovereignty/freedom, service to others, modern communication (email, telephone, cell phone, Internet), hobbies, music (wouldn't be possibly to so fully enjoy without my ipod). I really value having sovereign power over my own life. I don't mean that I'm all-powerful, if I were, I'd have a nine month old baby sleeping upstairs. I know I'm not in charge of the grand scheme, but I am so grateful for choices and for power to make choices based on things I believe in. This affects me so often...from birthing options, vaccines, educating my kids, medicine, nutrition...these are all things for which I am grateful for choices and options. I think I'm grateful for these things particularly because of the uncertain changes that lie a head for our nation. I'm excited to see what those changes might be, and hopeful that they will encompass all the opportunity that I currently enjoy. Service is such a part of my life, as I know it is for most of us. I just can't imagine how my life would be if I woke up everyday unaware of the lives of those around me and solely concerned with my own life. I was shocked recently to witness Simon Cowell admit on Oprah that there, on her stage, he knew for the first time in his entire 40 plus years that it makes you feel good inside to be generous with others. I could not believe my ears, and I was immediately so grateful to have been raised to know that nothing I have is mine because of me, and that giving time and means to others gives back to my life in ways that cannot be described.
So those are the comments I had on my mind about what I'm thankful for. I loved asking my loved ones about what is dear to them, and knowing that I'm at the top of their list!
Life changing moments...
I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.
I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...
#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.
#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after A was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.
I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...
#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as A is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.
I remember when R was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.
Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!
#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.
#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.
#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!
#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after A was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Life altering moments...
I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.
I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...
#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.
#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after Alice was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.
I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...
#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as Alice is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.
I remember when Ruby was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.
Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!
#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.
#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.
#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!
#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after Alice was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?
Monday, November 24, 2008
PRIDE training finally done...
I finally finished the last class for our training to become foster parents. This doesn't mean that much, we still have to submit fingerprints for a federal background check and decide what we are up for, etc. Then there's a home study and slew of other things. I'm guessing we'll continue to drag our feet a bit. Regardless of how many biological children we have ever wanted, we've always wanted to offer homes to foster children, and the sluggish fertility seems to point us that direction earlier than we'd expected, and we are really excited. The other night when we were refrigerator shopping, a salesman at SEARS had so much to tell us because he's fostered 29 children in his years as a foster parent. It is such great info to hear from people with experience.
At the same time, I went to an appt. with an GYN last week and she said she's pretty sure I have PCOS. Interesting, huh? Anyway, as to the growth of our family we are currently in the exploration process.
At the same time, I went to an appt. with an GYN last week and she said she's pretty sure I have PCOS. Interesting, huh? Anyway, as to the growth of our family we are currently in the exploration process.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Loved it...TWILIGHT...
I don't know how it would feel to someone who hasn't read the books, but I suspect it would be a thrill for them too. I loved book one and therefore I loved this movie. I'm excited to see the movies that they have announced they are going to make for books two and three after seeing this. I feel that some of my hang ups from the novel were put to rest by watching the movie. The main characters were very well cast, and the chemistry between Bella and Edward was engaging.Friday, November 21, 2008
Talk with R...
Love my girl. We were having breakfast the other morning--it was a rare day when A slept until 10AM--and we had a great talk. At one point, I had to start writing stuff down while we talked because her thoughts were so cute.
R: Mom, I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
Me: Good for you!
Ru: When I was little, I thought princesses were real, so I said, "I want to be a princess when I grow up!" But now I know they aren't real, so I want to be a doctor.
Me: You'd be a great doctor.
Pause
R: I wish I could get lots of owies so I could go to the doctor and I could write down how they fix me so when I'm a mom, I could now how to be a doctor.
Me: Yeah, but you don't like owies!
R: Yeah, how do you get to be a doctor!?
Me: You go to doctor school for a long time when you are bigger.
R: Oh good. I don't want lots of owies.
Then we switched subjects...
Looking at my wedding ring,
R: Mom, how do you make rings?
I explained about how metal melts, blah blah..."then you put the diamond in."
R: Where do diamonds come from?
Me: People find them in the dirt.
R looking toward the back yard: So if I dig and dig, will I find a diamond?
Me: No they are usually found in other countries like in Africa. (guilt)
R: I wish I lived in Africa.
Now, I am not the kind of person who can leave it at that.*
Me: Oh, I think you should feel really lucky you get to live here. There are children in Africa who have to go to work all day digging for diamonds. (guilt, guilt) They aren't treated nicely and they don't have food to eat when they are hungry. (guilt, guilt, guilt) Some of them don't have their moms and dads either.
R: I want you and me to go to Africa and daddy can go to work and send us money so we can buy the kids food.
I went on to talk to her about where we already give our money that goes to hungry children all over the world, and she felt better.
*So is anyone else anxious that their kids don't know how good they have it? I know they are little and that sad things in history and currently happening around the world would trouble them unnecessarily, but at the same time, they need to know how lucky they are to live in a free country, have loving parents and time to be a kid. I don't know, maybe I tell them stuff like this too often, but it's hard to see them come undone over small things that are really evidence of their plentiful existence.
R: Mom, I want to be a doctor when I grow up.
Me: Good for you!
Ru: When I was little, I thought princesses were real, so I said, "I want to be a princess when I grow up!" But now I know they aren't real, so I want to be a doctor.
Me: You'd be a great doctor.
Pause
R: I wish I could get lots of owies so I could go to the doctor and I could write down how they fix me so when I'm a mom, I could now how to be a doctor.
Me: Yeah, but you don't like owies!
R: Yeah, how do you get to be a doctor!?
Me: You go to doctor school for a long time when you are bigger.
R: Oh good. I don't want lots of owies.
Then we switched subjects...
Looking at my wedding ring,
R: Mom, how do you make rings?
I explained about how metal melts, blah blah..."then you put the diamond in."
R: Where do diamonds come from?
Me: People find them in the dirt.
R looking toward the back yard: So if I dig and dig, will I find a diamond?
Me: No they are usually found in other countries like in Africa. (guilt)
R: I wish I lived in Africa.
Now, I am not the kind of person who can leave it at that.*
Me: Oh, I think you should feel really lucky you get to live here. There are children in Africa who have to go to work all day digging for diamonds. (guilt, guilt) They aren't treated nicely and they don't have food to eat when they are hungry. (guilt, guilt, guilt) Some of them don't have their moms and dads either.
R: I want you and me to go to Africa and daddy can go to work and send us money so we can buy the kids food.
I went on to talk to her about where we already give our money that goes to hungry children all over the world, and she felt better.
*So is anyone else anxious that their kids don't know how good they have it? I know they are little and that sad things in history and currently happening around the world would trouble them unnecessarily, but at the same time, they need to know how lucky they are to live in a free country, have loving parents and time to be a kid. I don't know, maybe I tell them stuff like this too often, but it's hard to see them come undone over small things that are really evidence of their plentiful existence.
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