Life altering moments...

I've been thinking lately about things that have happened to me, or that I've experienced lately that have impacted my daily actions. Of course there are really profound things, like my belief in Christ, who my parents are, who I married, etc., but that isn't what this post is about.

I just have some things that are little moments in my life where I've changed forever and they are little things, scenes from movies, brief conversations, music lyrics...just little things that I internalize, and come up a lot in my mind as I live my life. I know I won't think of them all, but here are a few that have come up recently...

#1--Terms of Endearment, the movie made in 1983. This movie is full of precious moments, but I'll limit myself to one. The clip is below, but you have to scroll to the right spot to get there. Shirley MacLaine's daughter is dying of cancer, and she is in pain. Shirley approaches the nurses about the medication that is due to help with the pain, and the nurses are casual about the request. Shirley has been holding on as the seconds have ticked by until the minute when she knew it was time for the medication, and every second after that moment is too much for her to take, she just had it in her mind to wait until 10:00, and it's a few minutes past, and her patience is expired. I love her tantrum, I so relate to it. I think of this scene when I'm anxious for Chris to walk through the door at 5:15, and it's 5:30, and he's not home...he walks in the door and I'm a shell of who I was fifteen minutes earlier, because I needed him home no later than 5:15...I was fine, patient, kind, loving, totally had it together, but then I expired at 5:16. He comes home, and the TV is on, I've given up on dinner, we've all eaten Raisin Bran, the girls are in various stages of time out, and I'm literally half way up the stairs when he pushed the button on the garage door opener. I'm glad that I'm not in that part of life right now, it's nice to have two older kids who can understand, "don't talk to me until after dad gets home." I did feel this way today, as Alice is sick and super needy and grumpy and demanding. There were a few times today when I thought maybe I'd have to call Chris to come home.

I remember when Ruby was an infant. She cried for ten months straight. She used me as her pacifier, and literally shrieked like she was in tortured pain all day any time she wasn't latched. I, WE were miserable. I remember taking her to the doctor. Here I am, this really natural mommy who uses traditional medication minimally, going to the doctor to BEG for some kind of tranquilizer or SOMETHING, ANYTHING that could knock her out for six months. I remember that she was six months old at the time, and I was literally at the doctor's office counting on an answer. The doctor told me that she had colic (meaningless) and that babies usually grow out of it by six months of age. Literally, six months was like an entire lifetime away. I could not imagine existing in my current state for one more day, and I was told I had almost five months more to endure. It wound up being ten months before she was all cried out, ten really hard months. At six weeks and one day, I felt like Shirley MacLaine in this scene.

Terms of Endearment, go to 2 minutes and 37 seconds into the clip...AHHHHH the clip is gone! I hate that!

#2--When I was in high school, there was a turning point for me socially when most of my friends were headed down a different path than me, and I felt really alone. It didn't feel like we could still be as close as we had been with their lives and social groups and activities diverging so dramatically from mine. I found myself feeling a little friendless, and a little betrayed. I went to talk to my school counselor about the possibility of transferring to a private school, and she asked me, "why?" When I explained, she told me that the people and situations that I was learning about at that stage of life would never go away. She explained that I needed to learn how to interact with all different kinds of people because someday, they'd be the parents of my kids' friends, and my neighbors or my coworkers...or they'd be my schoolmates at another school. Different faces, different names, same conflicting personalities, goals, values. This was a revelation to an impressionable fifteen year old, and it helped me through a hard time. I actually went through a transition during the first two years of high school, and by the time I was a junior, I didn't really hang out with my friends from middle school anymore. Not because they weren't important to me or we we had a falling out or anything, we just went different ways and I survived it! I am still close to some of them today and value that our friendships could change and still be maintained.

#3--One Sunday at church, there was a talk given by a good friend of mine. She was talking about a program we have in our women's organization called Visiting Teaching. Visiting Teaching is basically assigned fellowshipping. Everyone is assigned to fellowship and look after the needs of several sisters. It is nice to have a person you know you can call when you are in a bind. Visiting Teachers meet monthly with those they visit, and so a friendship forms. Anyway, my friend was talking about how when we visit teach, often we'll finish the visit by saying something like, "well, let us know if you need anything!" and walk out the door. She pointed out, that if we were truly looking to serve, we might notice that the lawn hasn't been mowed, that she mentioned her husband is out of town, that the garbage hasn't been taken out and when she went to change the baby's diaper, she realized she's on her last one. If we were aware of all these things, and then finished the visit with a casual offer to help out if needed, we lost the opportunity to show sincerity and to truly serve the sister. What we should do in that case, is offer to stay with the kids while she runs to the store by herself to get groceries and diapers, or go to the store for her, send your husband over to mow the lawn, etc. I've tried since then to come up with my own ways to serve people, and not wait for requests. I often feel like my offer might not quite fit the bill, it might not change the world or fill in the gaps, but I hope that taking charge and showing that I'm interested in helping and serving is more easily believed by the recipient if I make it happen. It's hard for people to ask, I know it is for me! Sometimes when we are aware of pain or trials that someone we care about is experiencing, we feel antsy to do something to help, and I'm so glad that my friend taught me to DO IT! If we are looking and praying for ways to serve others, we won't walk by an uncut lawn without the thought that we should do something to change it.

#4--The movie Phenomenon is a great one. I don't know why I love it so much, maybe it is cheesy or dumb, but I love it. My favorite part of the movie comes to mind really often. The theme is spread through several different scenes, so I don't think I can share a clip, but see the movie if it has been awhile or if you never saw it. Anyway, John Travolta is interested in this woman in the movie who makes chairs from sticks. At first they don't sell well, but then she starts selling them all. It so happens that she sells them at the same place where Travolta's character works, so he gets to see her every time she goes to restock the chairs. She is super encouraged by the success. One day she goes to Travolta's house and sees that he has dozens of her chairs everywhere. She realizes that he is the one buying her chairs because he wants to see her again. Later in the movie, after the romance between these two characters goes full circle, there is a parallel drawn explaining that when we love people or we want to know someone, we should figure out what their chairs are and buy them. The question is posed by one man to another who is on the outs with his significant other, "Have you ever tried to figure out what her chairs were and then buy them?" I think this is key to any successful relationship with another person. It's not always easy!

#5--One day I was at church talking to an acquaintance--actually someone I look up to. She is multi-talented, especially musically, and had been playing her music around locally. I was asking her how that was going, and after we finished talking about that, she said, "So, what do you do?". Even though we share the same stay-at-home mom lifestyle, I knew she wasn't asking about how many hours I spend playing with Barbies. She was asking what I do to fulfill my goals, expand my world and progress my own talents. At the time (this was almost a year after Alice was born, so I was in the throes of major nap time schedules, making baby food, feeding baby, pleasing toddler, toys always everywhere...), I was pretty much finished by the end of everyday. I didn't have reserves to change the world, and I didn't have any answer for my friend when she asked that simple question. I think I said something about enjoying going out with friends, sewing when I got the chance...and even though I think every woman's desire to extend beyond their family life is going to be different and no one should feel they need to do the same thing as the next person, or whatever, I was struck in that moment by the realization that I was dissatisfied with the whole picture of my life. I enjoyed motherhood by then, I loved my kids, I had a helpful husband and we had the flexibility to enjoy getting out just the two of us, but I wanted to find time to open my life up to more than that...even though whatever I added would pale in comparison to what I was already achieving by raising my darling daughters full-time. I watched Oprah soon after and Kristin Armstrong, who had divorced Lance Armstrong was on the show talking about "The Truth About Marriage". While there were many things I didn't agree with on the show, she warned the wives of America against becoming unrecognizable. How can I fit more in to my life and not drain myself? It didn't happen right away, because I had to think long and hard about what would be worth fitting in, but I'd say that two years and two months later, I feel very involved in things that help me grow as a person, they challenge me to do hard things, and I feel like I can be the best mom and wife I know how to be while still knowing who I am, what I like and how I can participate in those things without forfeiting my more important commitments. Today, if someone asks me "What do you do?" they will get an earful, I know who I am now much better than before.

Those are a few of my little moments in time that packed big lessons, what are yours?