Alice is very interested in the anatomy of male and female reproductive organs. It started not that long ago when she noticed a male body and asked "what's that?" Since then, she asks me all the time about other people who are around us. Needless to say, it is a brutally awkward to discuss someone's private areas...in front of them!
Here's a sample from our trip to McCall. Alice asks my brother Robb, "Do you have a peniz?"
Robb responds, "Go ask Uncle Jordan."
Alice moves on undetered, "Uncle Dordan, do you have a peniz?"
NOT OKAY LITTLE GIRL! The thing is, she knows what boys have and what girls have, and she can accurately determine the difference between boys and girls, so she doesn't need to ask, but she still does! She asked all the men on Chris' side of the family back in July, and it hasn't died down since then.
It's horrible to go into a public restroom with her right now, because she'll crouch down and start in with her questions and everyone else in the restroom can hear me trying to answer her discreetly.
It sheds new light on the reasons why some parents opt to make up other names for privates, to disguise the conversation better. However, do alternatives like "toady" and "dinkerdonker" (as my friend Sommer grew up calling them) really throw people off?
We opt for the real deal vocab, anyone gutsy enough to weigh in on this subject?
15 comments:
Here's the thing: the more shletered a subject is from kids, the more curious they become about it, often to the point of finding out about it from people other than their parents. And with biological matters, that can be a dangerous thing. I feel strongly that the best way to go about these things is to, indeed, use proper vocabulary and discuss the matter in an unembarrassed, no-nonsense tone. There are some very good books out there geared for young children that help - most of which have pictures. Our reproductive systems are not embarrassing things that need nicknames. They are nothing more than biological functions of our bodies that allow us to reproduce. Of course, we have tabooed sex so ferociously as a society that our children are sometimes clueless until it is too late. Teach them all there is to know in a very scientific way, then be sure to teach them your (our) personal morals, too. And be proud that you aren't subverting to a time when bodies were conisdered dirty vessels - move forward - be progressive! And be sure to roll your eyes when the uncles are too embarrassed to hosetly answer the simple question of a three (right?) year old. Love ya!
Kristin, I agree. You are preaching to the choir on this one. I just wish that when I'm committed to telling them anything that they ask me, that I wouldn't be dealt the kids who ask how the babies get in the mommy's tummy when they are two years old. Even at age three, Ruby wasn't satisfied by the safe "daddy's put them there" answer. We've already had to move on to a discussion about eggs and sperm, and she's not really old enough to have a filter, and I don't want her to be the informant to other innocent children who are not asking those questions!
I certainly get that kids need a matter of fact answer about a matter of fact thing, and I'm perfectly comfortable with the real answers, I just wish they'd grow up a little more before they asked the questions!
Ruby was like three and she was playing Mary and Joseph with her cousin, nine months her minor, and of course she was Mary, and her cousin (Sarah) was Joseph. Ruby told Sarah, "you have to put the baby in my tummy because you are the daddy." Of course in the context of Mary and Joseph, this concept of conception doesn't even apply, but still...she's so tuned into how it all happens.
When she asked last, I tried answering about eggs from mommies and sperm from daddies and she was like, "yeah, but HOW do they get in the mommy's tummy?" With a commitment to truth for my kids, I was opening my mouth to go the distance with my FIVE YEAR OLD when the phone rang. Whew!
Sorry if by posing the question about alternative names I misrepresented. I use the real deal intentionally!
I e-mailed you back on this one, but I wanted to reiterate here that you are awesome. Which is why you got such smart kids who are asking the tough ones early on! I would never presume that you have been using alternate names. Mostly, I just think the uncles' reactions are too funny!
i say, teach them the real way, they will learn all the nicknames with time. she will grow out of it.
agree, agree. If they sense you are uncomfortable talking about it then they won't talk to you about it. Be honest, open and straightforward. No secrets in families! But it certainly can create awkward situations! I'm still in the process of better understanding what my field says about teaching children about this stuff. But, from what I know so far, you're definitely on the right track.
My parents were always very open about sex and always referred to anatomy by the proper names. This may have led to some uncomfortable moments when we used those words as little kids.
The good things that came out of all of it was that I was never overly curious about sex (since I knew too much in my opinion), and it was never something that was awkward to discuss when my siblings and I were teenagers. We always joked that if our friends wanted to know anything about sex they could come talk to our mom.
If it makes you feel any better, we have a friend whose little girl asked loudly during the sacrament if Jesus had a penis.
We only opt for the real names. It's really not a big deal at our house. Landon names it along with all his other body parts. When Jack was little he was concerned that I'd cut off kennedy's. I think he was afraid I'd do the same to him. They grow out of it. Just pretend it's normal everyday conversation. Though, horribly embarrassing everyday conversation....
we use the real names. it has lead to a few awkward moments, like when i asked connor if he had to go to the bathroom at olive garden the other day and he yelled loudly, "no mom! i wasn't touching my PENIS!!!"
i almost crawled under the table in embarrassment, but i would have more embarrassed if he had yelled "dinkerdonker"...what the heck?
As the proud owner of the family who used "toady" and "dinkerdonker" I have to laugh..I never knew growing up people didn't have diguise names for the "privates"! As you know, I have NOT kept up the nicknaming tradition and take every opportunity to say vagina and penis in my home as much as possible. We even have a morning chant every day that touts our excitement for the words! Just kidding. We are on the same wave length sista'! I wholly agree that the correct terms are the only way to go...goodbye toady and dinker donker..hello vagina and penis!!
I was very interested in this one and reading up on everyones comments. I admit I have not had to have these discussions to much as of yet but I feel much more prepared after reading this post. thanks.
Gotta love that sweet Alice. You are such a great Mom Rebecca! I will be calling you for advice when the time comes for me. :)
funny material here. I for one think nicknames are hilarious. My kids are calling them "privates" with no questions. safe so far. And dinkerdonker. I love that. Gonna add that to the kids vernacular for sure. When growing up mom called it a twinky or weener. Jensen says they are his Pirates. I know Chris says twig-n-berries. I think that we should all talk about privates all the time. Seriously though, I think that whatever the name given, as long as that subject isn't drilled all the time, it works out. No secrets, just anatomy. I saw the absolute worst outcome on this subject in my sisters kids. She taught her 3 yr old girl about modesty and since that moment this little girl has had every boy she ever met with their pants down inspecting their plumbing. Disasterous. I think plan A is avoid certain topics until age appropriate. Plan B, if kids insist, then answer like no big deal. It seems that the interest is piqued if there is mystery. I still like my kids to say more inocent words on that topic.
And that is all I have to say about that.
WOW!!! What a great trip...your girls look like twins how cute. Take care.
I'm in with John's school on this. We use "privates" too and this is because even though I know the words vagina and penis, I only use them when talking to my doctor. I call them something else when talking to my mother, something else when I am talking to my friends, and of course, something else when talking to my husband. My kids have heard the clinical words, but we don't use them every day. I still think it fits in with a philosophy being comfortable and open with the subject. Of course my three your old hasn't asked any embarrassing questions. Although he did ask me once if he could take his 'privates' off so he could be like mommy. I said, "honey, believe me, you want those, you need those, they are a good thing to have." I suppose I should start being a little more modest myself around him. Any comments on that?
Somewhere along the way Parker got the notion that his boy part was his "belly" and we haven't bothered to correct him yet. Soon enough he'll figure it out, and we're happy to explain the differences, but for now we avoid a lot of embarrassing moments - like when he wonders (loudly, in public) why his "belly" is so big =). Boys are so fun!
Post a Comment